Do you have marital woes too?

If you haven't guessed it already I am married. For nine years I've been indulged in a lifestyle many perpetrate as a social standard of living to the utmost of morally sociable and civilized behavior. However, I have my doubts.

I've been reading Dr. Laura Schlessingers' book 'The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands' as well as the new one 'The Proper Care & Feeding of Marriage'. I even have the CD to the latest one. Because my husband and I have been going through what many say is the 'marital woes', we have not been on the best of terms lately. I even invited him to listen to the CD with me so that we can both get a grasp on what is potentially the problem.

I've discussed marriage counseling, to no avail. Or at least to be truthfully honest, he didn't respond to me in the like manner that showed me that he does care about our marriage.

We've argued and scared the children in the process. I don't like arguing to be honest, but sometimes you have to air things out in order to get an understanding of what is troubling the other person.

Anyway, I am not asking for diamonds or pearls. I am not even asking to be showered in gold necklaces or Gucci purses. Just a little appreciation, like everyone likes now and again.

In reading these books I realize that we women and men are totally different in our mental patterns and emotions. However, not to different because we both want love and respect. And because my hubby and I married when I was still basically a kid (27), I think he still sees me as such. I have grown into the person I know I will be with my little quirks and opinions unlike his. I no longer think or see things totally like he does. We are different and I think for the first time he realizes really different and I believe it frightens him.

I love my hubby but I think the man I married is a little insecure and I just totally realize how insecure he is.

In the near future, I will be continuing my career and sending our children to school. He would prefer them to stay home and to be home schooled. But like many people in America today, we need two incomes to raise a family of our size.

And kids get bigger, not smaller. They need things like more clothes, shoes, makeup, and I guess junk. Not that I indulge my children in lots of other things deemed unnecessary but just the basic stuff. I teach them that they do have to earn a living and work hard at what they want to achieve in this life. Nothing is simply handed to them for good behavior or their looks. And nothing is guaranteed to them as well just because you want it. You have to work toward what you want in life, sometimes very hard to achieve what you want.

I guess you can say the same for marriage. If you want it you have to work hard at keeping it. My only trouble is, can I do it?

Life or something like that.

I started this blog because I wanted someone to talk to. Not saying that my life is lacking excitement, it has that and more! It's just that when you put your thoughts on paper (or in this case the computer screen), you begin to want to connect with other people.

For instance, when you write in your diary how many people get to see it and respond? (By the way where are those things?!!) Anywho, I love to communicate and share and I hope no one thinks that I am some morbid person obsessed with deep questions that no one really likes to talk about.

Okay, maybe I am obsessed, that's why I talk about it but there is more to life than death and dying.

Like; how many licks does it really take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop? You know I eat those all the time and I STILL don't know.

Or; why when you are watching your favorite program on TV and you are just getting into it that it is then they go to commercial?

Also; have you ever noticed that when you wash your vehicle on a sunny day instead of taking it to the car wash it will rain, but when you plant something in the ground it never rains?

How about this one; you wake up one morning to eat that big bowl of your favorite cereal that you just dreamt about and pour yourself a big bowl and then realize that there is no milk in the house to be found? ( In my case it will be soy milk because I don't do dairy products from cows anymore).

Anyone else want to give another scenario? You are more than welcome to do so.

Anyway, everyone enjoy themselves this weekend. I will be taking the weekend off and not post anything, but expect a new posting Monday.

Until then.

The spiritual journey of human beings.

As I sit tonight I reflect upon the saying in the bible that says 'God created man in his own image'. I am in no way, shape or form to argue with what the bible says, but as I look at the world today I think this has now turned and that 'man has created God into his image'.

I say this because it seems as if everyone has a different concept what God is all about. That's fine, but what is the true image of God? Is it the homeless man on the street praying for someone to give him change to buy his next meal? Is it the family struggling to raise their children in a God fearing home living paycheck to paycheck? Or is it the immigrant coming to America hoping to feed his family on the little earnings that he will earn today in a land so new and foreign to him that he prays his family is grateful for the sacrifices that he is making for them? Do these people squabble with others that their image of God is right and that the next person who comes along with a different view of God is wrong?

Let's look at people with other religions. Some say that God can only forgive those of their faith and belief, while others who don't believe as they do will go to hell. The Jew does not believe like the Muslim believes, nor does a Christian believe like a Jew or Muslim would believe. So who's God is right? And what has happened to our spirituality? What has happened to the joy of just serving God and God alone and not trying to dictate to others what God has planned out for his/her life according to each other's belief? If your belief's are not hurting anyone and you are happy with the life you live, who is to say that you are a bad person because your belief's are different?

I personally have my own beliefs that God is an almighty being and has made all of us to serve some kind of purpose in this life. Some of us will teach others how to be compassionate to others unlike ourselves. That diversity and uniqueness in each of us is to be 'celebrated' not hated. Others will show us the true face of unselfishness, and caring for your fellow man, by showing us that generosity is more than just giving someone a helping hand. You can be generous by giving a loving touch or hug, you can say something kind to someone, or just smile at your fellow man, THAT may even just brighten someone's day! Others will show us the true face of evil, and still others will show us what it means to be human. Where does religion fit in?

The God I worship does not punish people for being themselves, especially when he has written or ordained someone to be a certain way. Yes now I know we have some people out there who do harm others and they will reap what they have sown, but guess what,? it will be done in God's time.

I am in no way attacking anyone's religion or personal beliefs, I just believe that we all have to face the fact that we are human after all. And when it comes down to it, we all need physiological factors (for example; oxygen, fluids, nutrition, shelter, sex), and also safety and security, love and belonging needs, self-esteem and self-actualization. One factor feeds the next until we come to self-actualization and realize that we are not humans having a spiritual experience, but that we are spiritual beings having a human experience.

Take care of yourself

It is okay and very necessary to take care of ourselves. Taking care of ourselves means that we have to deal appropriately with our feelings and be honest. Being honest is taking responsibility for our actions.
CONFLICTS
When we are faced with conflicts, we have to try to separate our issues from the other person's issues as we can not expect perfection from them or ourselves.
CONTROL
We have to let go of our need to control, especially over situations which we can not control. Instead, strive for peace and manageability within yourself. You do have to own your own power to be who you want to be, then and only then can you begin to take care of yourself.
ABUSE
Do not tolerate abuse from anyone! Neither can you mistreat or abuse anyone else. Work at letting go of the things that frighten you. Begin to develop a confidence within yourself. Of course we will make mistakes along the way, but you can learn from them and forgive yourself when you do make them.
RESPONSIBILITY
Figure out your main responsibilities, and stick to them! Leave room for great days and not so great days, because with responsibility you have to have the strength to deal with day to day hassels. Be flexiable but also protect yourself and take care of your responsibilities.
GENTLENESS VS. ASSERTIVENESS
Be gentle and loving with people whenever possible, but you have to be assertive if the situation calls for it. If you do have any strength accept it and build on that inner strength within. On the other hand, accept your weaknesses and limitations, including the limitations of your power.
GOALS
Set reasonable goals for yourself and stick with them. Always take yourself into account. Work hard at maintaining some kind of balance in your life.
GRIPE SESSION OR PITY PARTY?
When we really get into dealing with ourselves on a personal level, we tend to give ourselves a gripe session to let it all out. But do it appropriately so as it does not become a pity session. This session is meant to take care of ourselves and release feelings; not to sabotage ourselves. Stay away from self-defeating behaviors like pity.
COMPETITION
Some people like competition, others avoid it. It all depends on your personality. In a world full of people other than yourself strive for cooperation and a loving spirit among humankind. It is understandable that there are some people we can not get along with, but take it in stride. If you strive to find harmony and balance with everyone including those you don't get along with, they may soon follow suit. However, don't deny how you feel about a certain person. The best that you could do is strive to get along with everyone.
WHEN YOU DON'T KNOW, YOU DON'T KNOW
When you don't know something, say that you don't know. We all need help sometimes, don't deny it, just ask for it directly. You have to strive to take responsibility to take care of yourself by appropriately asking for what you need. Do it, don't neglect yourself.
PANICKING
When panic does set in, address it. This may be a separate issue, but try not to let your daily life or behavior be controlled by panic.
THERE IS NO 'I' IN TEAMWORK
If you are part of a team, strive for a healthy teamwork attitude. This will be an opportunity for you to learn how to work cooperatively with other people.
DYSFUNCTION IN LIFE
Life can begin to feel pretty crazy if we are surrounded by people who interrupt our mojo and are constantly dysfunctional. Our mojo is the personal magnetism or charm within ourselves that attracts others to us. We begin to lose some of it if we are constantly drained by dealing with people who take up so much of our energy. When this does happens don't make yourself crazier by denying the problem. Accept it and strive in peace to figure out what you need to do to take care of yourself.
ARE YOU THE MARTYR OR RESCUER?
In life we need to let go of our need to be the martyr or rescuer. Deep down you know that you do not have to stay in situations that make you miserable. Yet, some of us do. Instead of sabotaging ourselves, plan a positive solution, and try to understand deep down that you need to take responsibilty for yourself along the way to having a sucessful life. Remove yourself as the victim, instead be the survivor and eventually the conqueror of your life. Also, believe that you deserve the best. Begin to practice acceptance, gratitude, and faith, then you can move on.
LIVE LIFE ONE DAY AT A TIME!!!
STRIVE TO:
-Enjoy what is good in life.
-Solve the problems that are yours to solve.
-Give the gift of yourself in all of the work that you do.
-Be a conqueror, not a victim.
-Remove all distractions that are dysfunctional.
-Work well together with others.
-Admit when you don't know something. (no one likes a know it all.)
-Be competitive only when the situation is appropriate.
-Have no pity parties, only criticize yourself to make a change for the better.
-Set reasonable goals.
-Be gentle but assertive.
-Be responsible for all of your actions.
-Avoid abusive situations.
-Accept what situations that you CAN control.
-Handle conflicts with grace.

Most importantly: LOVE YOURSELF!

What is the purpose of life?

Many people believe that in order to receive happiness in the next life we have to serve an ultimate being in this life. While we are serving an ultimate being are you happy, sad, angry, subtle, subdued, or just nonchalant? Why, when we are on earth do we worry so much about what will happen when we die? Why is our time orientation so fired up to include the future of the unknown?

I want to live in the now while preparing for tomorrow. Not next week, or next month but just tomorrow. I strive to live one day at a time, but in this ever fast paced world, tomorrow seems like it will never come and next week is sooo long way off.

But you do have to experience life to enjoy it. I guess that is why some people say 'experience is the best teacher'. Perhaps it can eventually teach us the purpose of life.