Mom, The Wolfman and Me

I am going to tell you all a secret. Something my mom doesn't even know about.


I used to have the biggest crush on Joaquin Phoenix. Notice the emphasis on the words 'used to'.


Just to give you a little history lesson on my crazy and innocent crush.


As a little teen bopper in the late 80's, I used to LOVE his brother River Phoenix. I thought he was the cat's meow. Saw all his movies, read every article about him. Watched him live at the Oscar's and prayed hard that he would win. I even considered stalking him in L.A. when we lived in Cali. It was closed to being obsessed that I could come.


Then he overdosed in front of the Viper Room in Hollywood, and that was all she wrote.



Years later I saw Gladiator and fell head over heels for the tyrannical Commodus. The acting was chilling and I was all about bad boys then. (That would explain the EX husband).





Antyways.


I watched and bought all of his movies, joined his fan club, read every coverage on him from People magazine to GQ, and I even went so far as to attempt to write him a fan letter. I never mailed it.


I even considered putting his name on my license plates. They would have looked like this:

JOAQNPX

The hubby wasn't going for it. I don't blame him. Now.


It was this photo that did it for me last January.

Joaquin + Mountain Beard = SAY WHAT?!?

Okay what is it with actors who have such a brilliant career, and they want to throw it all away to pursue a music career. Yeah I know we've heard it all before, and my crush (even though innocent) died the moment I saw that picture.


Call me shallow, but I can't comprehend the former actor who almost won two Oscars and won one Golden Globe as a rapper. Can you?


He won a Grammy for the soundtrack 'Walk The Line', and now he wants to be a rapper. And guess who is rumored to produce his record? P. Diddy.


Yes people I know, the news is old about Joaquin Phoenix wanting to be a rapper. To prove that he is serious, BIL Casey Affleck is recording a documentary about the whole transition. A rapper who started his career rapping to such titles such as 'I Want A Refund', and droning on and on and trying to rhyme 'boom' and 'room' over and over again. Yes, rapping world beware, there is a new kid in town!


It's not even good rapping like Eminem, but it sounds like something put together on a paper napkin at the bar, two minutes before going on stage.


Yes, this twice nominated Oscar boy of Hollywood used to make my heart go all a flutter, but not anymore.


It's just scary.


And my mom still doesn't know.

Schools Out and I Don't Intend to Stand Around and Twittle My Thumbs Either!

I apologize for being such a bad blogger of late. I promise, now that my semester of school was officially over this past Friday I can now pay attention to more important things! =^)

First things first, I have to post a BIG thank you to some of you for giving me awards. You are the best!

Second I have to write SOMETHING that has been plaguing the news of late. I don't like to talk about death, but my conscience won't let this one go away. (You are too bossy dude, go away!)

Third, I have two new followers. Thank you guys for being my friend. I totally enjoy the extra company.

Fourth, everything on the BIBI home front is doing okay!

The Diva and her little bro (my very articulate son) are in N.Y with my little bro. Rock on kids, school is not for another 7 weeks!

My kids go back to school in August. Something to do with making sure we get in early before the snow falls and we miss weeks and weeks of school. (Hey! I say the earlier the better! Like August 19th early )

Anytways, the hubby and I are doing okay. He has sleep apnea and sounds like Darth Vader when we go to bed now that he has to sleep with the CPAP mask on every night. But hey! it's a great idea for some role playing before I put my nightcap on. ; )

The baby, my little Trinity, turned 3 on the 24th of this month and I am exhilarated. This is the first time in a LONG time that one of my babies turned three and there is not another bun in the oven. Thank you Doc B for making sure that my momma factory stays closed. (no chastity belt required, besides its too late to observe some chastity now.)

I have only 5 children at home right now and I have no idea what to do. Why do I feel like a part of me is missing since my two oldest kiddies have been gone for two weeks now? Little bro will probably let them loose in about a week or so.

Until then, I'll take Tiana (14), Tisha (12), Taj (9), Tamara(6), and Trinity(now 3), to the community kiddie park for some quality time. Ohh! my creative mind is in overlaod.

Love, Growth, and Maturity

I was looking through some old cards of the hubby and mine. We will be married for 10 years in August. Looking back on when we first married I have to say that we did have a whirlwind romance.


I was working at a giant retailer at the time, and he happened to see me working in the electronics department. He eventually started a conversation and we went from there.


I was getting over a BAD relationship with the first husband, trying to raise my three girls and one boy, and working on earning my first degree in college. (Going back to school after a eight year hiatus bites, but I got through it!)


He comforted me, consoled me, and reassured me that I was a strong women who was doing the right thing. I fell head over heels. We were married after two months courting.


The children were in the wedding and really loved having a 'dad' around again. I enjoyed having someone around to talk to and help me with the kids. Some would say I was on the rebound but I never felt as if I was going to give up on the relationship until we were married for about five years.


We never reached the seven-year itch before the real fights began. But we survived it and we are now smiling at each other, making goggling eyes at each other and talking 'dirty' when the kids aren't around. I think the therapist has done her job, but we will still continue to see her until we feel certain that we are absolutely on the right track.


While looking through some of the cards, our wedding cards, anniversary, new additions to the family, millions of birthday cards, and dozens of father and mother day cards, I found some with letters in them.


Have you ever wrote letters to your loved ones trying to explain the content of the card as well as the meaning behind the card?!? Well, if you are the BIBI that is a lot to write down. Being that I AM the talkative kind, I once wrote a letter with a beautiful card that was EIGHT pages long!!


Whew! Was I that into myself then?!?


Endlessly trying to explain why I snapped at him and why he needs to be patient with me and I've had such a shitty childhood that's why I am so messed up. Then spending a page or two apologizing for being me, and asking him to be patient with me because I was sooo screwed up and blah, blah, blah, blah, and blah.


I now realized that a marriage is about two people who share the same common interests and that one person cannot always see life as a victim. I was always making myself into the victim, one who could do no better because of my past. But my past does not define me anymore, because I am now the victor of my own destiny. I make my choices, good or bad, I decide to do better instead of waiting for someone to tell me that I have changed and that I am good now. I no longer acknowledge that little voice in my head that puts me down and tells me that I am no good.


I am good, not perfect, but good. I care, I love, I feel, I embrace my emotions,I laugh, I raise my beautiful children, I strive hard to make my loved ones comfortable, and I work hard at making sure that they are loved. I am me embracing life, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, whether I am sick or healthy. I am me and it is pretty absolutely gucking freat!

Come and Meet Mr. Whazitooya!

I digress.

The hubby is getting on my nerves. Again. Nothing new, he is always getting on my nerves. But this time it is more serious. In the last two weeks of thought of the 'D' word at least five times.

No not 'damn', 'dummy', or 'dead as a door nail when I get through with you', but divorce!

Here's why.

Anyone who has been reading this blog knows that the hubby and I do go to counseling/therapy. Ms. G has recently begun to see us every two weeks instead of every week because she thought we were making such good progress. She thought.

Now, this coming up session I am going to tell her that we need to come back every week so that the hubby can begin to learn to use his resources that God gave to him at birth.

It's called a piehole. It's the thing one inch right above your chin, and when you stand up straight it sits right under your nose.

He uses it to stuff it with food, talk/yell at the kids, talk to the boss, cuss at the TV, and to call loved ones when they are too far away to visit. He uses it for everyone except me. I get the silent treatment.

Me addressing the hubby when he comes in from a long day at work: "How was your day"?

Hubby with back turned: "Ok".

Me frowning: "What was that"?

Hubby talking in a higher octave than necessary: "It was okay".

Me silently fuming with arms crossed and everything.

Hubby using the bathroom and making it smell like something died in there.

Me with one can of air freshener sprayed directly at the bathroom door as the hubby comes out of the 'stink room': "Ummm... you don't smell that"?

Hubby ignoring me as he clears his throat and shrugs his shoulder.

Me: "Well"?

Hubby quietly: "Well what"?

Me: "Don't you want to talk about your day"?

Hubby: "It was okay".

Me: "And what else? And in case you have forgotten I've been holed up in the house with three teens who right now hate me because I made them go to bed after Jay Leno's' monologue and are probably plotting my demise right now as we speak, a 12 year old who picks on her little brother ALL DAY LONG, a six-year old who runs all day even to go so far as to kick in her sleep, and a two year old who loves to wear make-up to bed and screams when I try to remove it. So please, no wise cracks. Just some honest to goodness adult conversation".

Hubby blinking at me as I try to catch my breath.

Me staring back at him as I try to regain my composure.

Hubby makes a beeline for the bathroom to take a shower.

Me sighing as I now realize that it is going to be another non-talkative lonely night.

**************************************************************************************

I really don't want to make the TV my best companion at night as I turn to it to have some normalcy of conversation. Or spend another night fuming in my journal and pressing down so hard on the paper I can read what I wrote six pages ahead. But what else is there to do?

I think the hubby forgot that when we agreed to counseling for our marriage we were to get better at communicating, not shutting each other out of our lives.

I also realize that he does work two jobs and is under a lot of stress and maybe making conversation at 11:30 PM when everyone is just beginning to look at the back of their eyelids is probably not the best time to converse.

But then what is?!?

Friday Favorites #3

I have now officially joined the fan club of Janna Bee. She is a mom ( like me), sweet (more than me), is funny (I am trying), and loves her hubby (well three out of four is not too bad).

Just joking people! I love the hubby. As you can see, he is my favorite subject. LOL!

Antyways, I have the real deal here and what has made my week thus so far!

Monday

I fiercely felt like I was suffocating and then realized that I was having a good all panic attack. Yeah Monday!

Kids got on the bus okay, tried to get on the computer (failed 'cause of the lovely eyes), wanted to exercise but the treadmill yelled at me, so I did the next best thing. Slept until midday and then ordered in for pizza from Domino's for dinner. Kids are so grateful and sooo easy to please!

Tuesday

Cried with the hubby as we watched little girl who was killed in CA mother cry as she tried to talk to Matt Lauer on the Today show. We haven't shared an intimate moment like that in a long time. I then realized that you can be very intimate just sharing a tearful moment together. We prayed for all the little boys and girls who are missing their moms and dads, and for all the moms and dads whose little ones are still missing.

Got on the computer and learned that Mrs. GB gave me an awesome award. Thanks girlfriend!

Watched DWTS without any pain, then caught 'The Biggest Loser' and cried. I so felt so guilty that I didn't exercise with Jillian.

Kids went to bed with no complaints. Hubby stole into bed at exactly 11:30 PM and didn't snore until 2 AM.

Wednesday

Made an appointment with Dr. W for my eyes. Was very nervous but in too much pain to put up a fight. My insurance wouldn't cover the exam, but the receptionist assured me that I will be reimbursed by the insurance company since that insurance is not being covered for any vision eye care in the area. Love the country!

Watched the History channel and learned the real significance behind Passover. I love learning something new everyday!

Watched a new episode of 'LOST' and thoroughly enjoyed it. Minus the washcloth, just sat back and relaxed. Help was on the way!

Thursday

Got my meds and new glasses prescription filled. Applied the magic eyedrops and instantly felt better. Hubby was there supporting me every step of the way. He went into work late because of me, but he is such a dear.

Thanked Oprah as I caught the last half-hour of her show with Dr. Laura Bergman as she talked about explaining masturbation and pleasure to your daughters. Essentially, it was all about the "sex talk". I will be blushing for a whole month as I remember my Divas' face of horrorification as she listened to something that I have NEVER thought to discuss. Kudos to Oprah. You now have mothers everywhere like me wondering will they get 'those' questions.

Watched 'CSI' without any pain, and 'Harper's Island'. Felt grateful that my eyes were getting some relief and I was able to watch TV without any pain.

Slept well that night in more than a month.

Friday

Grateful to see that Virginia Tech is now ready to open Norris Hall after the deadly shooting that claimed the lives of sooo many innocent people. I am just glad that hubby decided to take a semester off when the shooting did occur. My condolences to those who lost loved ones in that unnecessary massacre.

Watched the news and was relieved to see that the economy or the stock market seems to be leveling off somewhat. Okay, but some kind of news is better than no news.

And how did your week go? Enjoy the Easter weekend everyone!

So Real, I Must Be Dreaming!

My little "ladies"

Ever had one of those moments in life that felt so real, looked so real, that you just had to be dreaming?!? I did.

The hubby and I like to go for walks. And since we like to walk but not on the country roads, we usually take a ride into town, walk the track at the University and then perhaps do some shopping afterwards before going home.

Well we did that this particular day, and decided to leave Tia home with the children. No biggie right?!? She always does some baby-sitting on the side to earn a few bucks.

So, the hubby and I are walking and enjoying our little time together. Usually I have my cell phone on and with me as I walk, but this particular day I decide ‘nahhh, the kids never call me so I’ll leave it in the truck’.

An hour has passed and the hubs and I are still walking. Little did I know my cell phone is ringing off the hook with Tia trying to reach me.

The hubby and I decide that we don’t need to go to the store, and take the scenic route home. I never once looked at my phone to see if the children had called or anything, I am just enjoying life and just peachy.

I get home and my front door is wide open, and Tamara is in the doorway crying. My momma sense kicks in and I immediately begin to open my door as the car is still rolling up the driveway. I would have jumped out as well if the hubby hadn’t grabbed me.

I storm into the house, ready to take on the world when I notice that all of the kids are gathered in the living room and crying. I immediately see that Trinity is not there.

“Where’s my baby?” I ask, looking at all of them and they immediately begin sobbing like they feel guilty.

I panic and look at Tia, who is by the way crying silently and looks the guiltiest of all.

“Mom, Trinity is gone.”

My mind takes a moment to register as I try to process the word ‘gone’.

“Like gone to heaven gone or just decided to walk off into the forest as if trying to runaway. And remember answer correctly because she IS only two years old”.

“I’m so sorry! I didn’t know who he was. He said that he came from the American Beauty contest and that he was to pick her up and take her to the station in Richmond and that …”

I put up my hand to silence her. Strangely quiet and calm I don’t realize that I am shaking. The hubby is still outside twinkling with his truck and has not come in yet. I know this because I hear this low rumble that reaches a pitch in tone, then levels out, then reaches a pitch, then levels out. Strange sound to take notice of when your child has been potentially kidnapped but hey that’s me, taking it all in.

By this time I am stuttering to make sense of my words; “Wwwhat, wwhen, and how did this happen?”

I look up and notice that my eldest son is gone and that Tamara is gone as well. I shrug guessing that they couldn’t handle it and went into their room for privacy.

Tia by this point is crying uncontrollably and I can’t console her. I can’t move. The hubs is still outside and I look out the still open front door and wonder where in the heck is my truck?

Tia comes up behind me, and has miraculously stopped crying and says; “He also took your truck.”

I slump to the floor as I have been hit with a six-pack. MY TRUCK! Who on God’s green earth would want to steal my truck? It never did anything to anybody, let alone break down and cause anyone any harm. MY TRUCK?

The hubs shows up in the doorway by now and has my cell phone in his hand.

“You missed your calls.”

“My truck is missing along with Trinity.”

“What?!?”

“I said, that our reliable daughter here let some creep into our home, let him take Trinity on the pretense that he was from some ‘Reliable Baking Company’, and he must have stole my spare key from the bureau in the vestibule when no one was looking and decided to take my truck instead on his way out. Which by the way is weird because his car is nowhere to be seen.”

“Oh.” He looked like he was in shock. Couldn’t tell because he decided to pick up some fruit and bite into it at this point.

I then realize the magnitude of the situation and realize that my baby, my little girl is missing! Missing.

I then scream, and fall out flat on the floor. I come to and realize that Tamara is laughing. She is watching a home video tape of Trinity and laughing at the dance that she is doing. I look at the TV screen and immediately start to cry.

Meanwhile, I am crying and wanting to move but can’t and wondering all at the same time, ‘Where in the heck is the Police? The hubby should have called them by now.'

Nope he hasn’t. And that sound came back. The low rumble that goes up and down in pitch like someone is grumbling in the back of their throat.

I go outside for some fresh air, and then decide to hop in the truck to go look for Trinity. I call out to her: “Don’t worry baby, momma is gonna find you!”

I look all over the small town, crying and looking, looking and crying, picturing my daughter crying and holding and out her hands in some strangers arms waiting for me to come rescue her.

I start to drive back home as the sun sets and pull up into my driveway. There is a limo parked in our driveway and the children are surrounded around it. This guy comes out of the limo and begins to pat my son on the head. He looks strangely familiar but I can’t place him.

I park the hubby’s truck and realize that Trinity is standing with the children. I am so happy I forget to put the truck in ‘park’, I felt like a small kick in my back, and I then hop out of the truck to go see who this person is as well as figure out how my daughter came back home.

I walk up to the limo asking myself ‘who is this person?’ ‘Is he the one who stole my baby?’ ‘He is very, very familiar whoever he is’.

I get a closer look as I come upon the limo and see that the person standing in front of me is Edward. Edward as in ‘Twilight’s’ Edward.

He turns to look at me and says “Hey how’s it going?”

I had no time to reply before the rest of the Cullen family popped out of the limo all dressed in their baseball gear as if ready to play a game. And they have Jacob with them as well.

I soon forget all about Trinity missing, my truck is gone, and that the hubby for some strange reason is now making me upset because he won’t stop snoring.

“You can come on in Edward, but the rest of you have to stay outside.” They don’t look so surprised that I have said that and just go into the neighboring field and start to play ball. Without any thunder or rain clouds. They don’t need it, their lousy ball players and don’t strike not one ball.

Edward is standing in my doorway and telling me: “Come on let’s watch a movie.” I look at him and want to say ‘You know what, lets invite Emmet in and see if he wants to see the movie as well.’ But I don’t say it because I don’t want to hurt his feelings and let it be known that I think Emmet is cuter than Edward, but ah well!

Okay, I admit it I am not the brightest light bulb in the ceiling light fixture, but when I awoke from this dream I just knew that it was real. So real that I had to pinch the hubby and get Trinity’s foot out of my back as I quietly got out of bed and on the computer to jot this all down before I forgot.

Now, do you think I am weird because I dream so vividly? You decide!

Get In. Sit Down. Shut Up. Hold On.

Well, I did it again.

I went to therapy and let the hubby drive again, against my better judgment. Against ALL better judgment.

The morning started out like any other morning. I packed lunch, hugged the kids, ate breakfast, showered, and dressed for our 10:30 AM appointment.

Needless to say, I wanted to leave at 8:30 but we left at 9:03.

Hubby started the truck up while I added the finishing touches to my face. You know, a chewed up black eyeliner pencil, baby lotion, and Vaseline for lip-gloss. A momma can never find what she is looking for when the kiddies ransack her bathroom and leave her the bare necessities.

I finally got in the truck, and we took off. The fact that we took off at a pace of a NASCAR driver should have hinted me on to what was to lie ahead, but I was concentrating on keeping the hubby awake whilst he drove.

15 minutes into the drive, I blinked all of my eyeliner off, my face felt like I rubbed sandpaper on it, and I licked all of the Vaseline off trying to keep my tongue in my mouth as the hubby swerved around cars to try to make up for lost time.

I felt like I was on a bad rollercoaster ride. I tried to make it more interesting so that the hubby wouldn’t begin to nod off.

Me: “Why are you swerving? I’m getting nauseous just trying to keep in time to the swaying.”

Hubby: “I’m trying to make up for lost time.”

Me: “No duh. But you can drive at a reasonable speed limit and let some of the cars past you. This is not a race.”

Hubby immediately slows down to 55 MPH. The speed limit is 65.

***driving, driving, driving***

Me: looking at my watch as the time rolls by and we haven’t reached the next county yet “You know the speed limit IS 65 MPH.”

Hubby immediately speeds up. He then fiddles with the radio and turns to ‘The Steve Harvey Show’.

We listen contently as a girl named Mikka is interviewing bachelors for a date in Chicago, fully paid for by Steve Harvey.

***driving, driving, driving***

Me: “Whoa! Slow down and let Shamu of the highway get past you. Damn trucks always hogging the road.”

Hubby: “What did you call that truck?”

Me: “Shamu. You know like the whale at sea world somewhere. I don’t know. He’s big and annoying and he practically ran us over trying to get to that next stop sign.”

Hubby: Chuckling “Your silly.”

Me: sourly “I’m glad to be of some amusement to you.”

***driving, driving, driving***

Me: “Pew whee, do you smell that?”

Hubby: “Yeah. The farmers must be out early fertilizing their land.”

Me: voice muffled as I try to talk with both of my hands covering my nose and mouth “You would think that they would have found a better use for cow poo poo than the fields near the highway. Don’t they realize that people actually drive past here and don't want their nostrils insulted?”

Hubby: “That’s not cow manure, it’s human sludge.”

Me: voice muffled as I am still covering my nose and mouth “Na-uh. Stop joking around. They wouldn’t use human waste for farmland.”

Hubby: looking at me as if I just came from the planet bobble head “Hon, this is Amelia County. Welcome to human sludge wastelands U.S.A.”

Me: “Oh my God!” Momentarily forgetting to cover my mouth and nose, and quickly covering them back up again.

Hubby: “You know I heard that it is a good fertilizer for your hair as well. Want to stop and get some?”

Me: I am now using the bottom half of my upturned sweater and both of my hands to cover my nose and mouth as the smell now permeates through the vents in the truck. “Ha. Ha. And ha! I’m so glad that you find yourself sooo amusing.”

Hubby: pouting “Well I’m just saying…”

Me: “Why? I don’t think that joking about.. WHOA! Slow down! You almost hit that car!”

Hubby: “Too late. I’m way ahead of you.”

Me: “But you did almost hit them.”

Hubby: “Well, then he should watch where he puts his car in front of someone then.”

Me: “Why can’t you admit that you almost hit that car?”

Hubby: Turning to me as if his neck is possessed by the devil with a frown on his forehead to match “Please let me drive!”

I back off, because he IS driving. Plus I want to get there in one piece.

***driving, driving, driving, driving***

Hubby is beginning to nod off.

Me: “Dude, watch the road.”

Hubby: “I’m alright, I’m alright.”

Me: grumbling under my breath “You NEED to watch the road.”

Hubby: “Wanna drive?”

Me: “You betcha damn skippy.”

Hubby: sighs as he shakes his head awake and shifts in his seat “You know I can drive.”

Me: “No argument here.”

Hubby: yawning. Hard. With his mouth open.

Me: “Pew whee!! Did you eat cheese this morning?”

Hubby: “Yup!”

Me: mumbling under my breath as I roll down the window “Good God have mercy.”

***driving, driving, driving***

We finally reach our destination, and I announce that I would drive home. The hubby shrugged me off. I took it as a yes.

*** ONE HOUR LATER***

I race to the truck and get in the drivers seat. The hubster didn’t have a chance.

I adjusted the seat, fixed my mirrors, popped in my Whitney Houston Greatest hits CD.

Hubby sat in the passenger seat, leaned back and folded his arms across his stomach.

I drove out of the parking at a respectable speed and made it to the highway without a sound from him. The only sound between the two of us was the sound of Whitney singing.

***driving, driving, and more driving ***

I am now singing along with Ms. Houston, and trying to match her high notes. I am content that I don’t sound so screechy. I am in my own little world and the hubby is silent so I assume that he is sleeping. I look over at him.

Nope. No luck. He is still awake, gripping his knees and frowning.

***driving, driving, driving ***

20 minutes from home and the hubby is still silent. I am still singing along to Ms. Houston and making good time on the highway.

I then look over at the hubs and notice that he is sitting up in his seat gripping his knees and frowning into the windshield.

Me: “What’s wrong?”

Hubby: “I was trying to sleep but I can’t.”

Me: “Why can’t you?”

Hubby: “I liked your nagging this morning better than this singing of yours.”

Damn, I thought I sounded good.

Sharing

Can we talk?

I am a hypocrite.

I always admonish my children for not sharing with each other. I am always reminded of the word ‘sharing’ as one of the first big words that I learned while watching Sesame Street on PBS as a child.

Yet sharing is the word today that eludes me as I sit here trying to write this post to you all.

I think I share a great deal of what goes on in the BIBI household. There is literally never a dull moment, which I am about to prove to you all right now.

About two weeks ago my daughter Tisha, had a seizure. I panicked and took her to the hospital the next day. It was a small seizure mind you, but it was a seizure nonetheless. Three days later I took her to St. Mary’s hospital for an EEG. The results were negative, and I was told to just watch her for the next couple of weeks.

Well, I am still watching out for any signs of a seizure, but none have manifest. While I am doing this I also had a little exchange of words with my SIL. She is not the brightest bulb in the pack, as her manner speaks for itself, but when she approached me about the children (my son and her two sons) fighting, I had to let her know in no kind terms to leave me the f*$# alone with such nonsense.

And the children weren’t fighting with fists or sticks, but just fooling around and pushing each other around and exchanging heated words. As much as an eight, six, and three year old could muster up from their imagination. Have any of you ever called another kid ‘Butt-naked’ and thought it was a bad word? That’s as far as their extensive vocabulary would let them be imaginative. *SIGH* to be a kid again.

Next, the daring rides that I bi-weekly undertake to Richmond with the hubby when he is sleepy and insists on driving. Yes, we are still going to counseling, but our therapist said that we are making good progress and she now just needs to see us every other week, instead of every week as like in the beginning. I tend to disagree, but it’s her call. I hope she realizes the sacrifice that I make just to come see her.

Let me tell you, that one hour and thirty minute ride is not for the weak stomached. He literally nods off behind the wheel and says that he is okay. I won’t dare ask him to let me drive, I’m too busy crumbled up into a ball in my seat so as not to watch the beautiful world pass me by before my premature and imminent death, praying to God which whom I haven’t had a conversation with all week.

All of this on top of having a snow storm that knocked out our power for a full 24 hours, leaving us cold, hungry and without telephone service. The only comfort was that I could call my friend on my cell phone in Florida and ask her “how is the weather down there?!”

My children were out of school for the whole week while my poor little town shut down for the eight inches of snow that we received, only to go back to school on Friday. The school board has now decided to extend the school year until May 22^nd. That is something to look forward to. Another whole week of silence so that I can relax with a good book and do more laundry.

But despite all of the exciting things that have happened in the last three weeks I did get a new stove and decided to redecorate the kitchen. The local diner at the truck stop is going to love seeing us all come into their joint everyday for dinner for the next three to four days. All eight of us, who have only managed to get a bowl of cereal and one of those microwaves snacks until dinnertime. Now I know how those people feel on ‘Spice Up My Kitchen’ on HGTV.

Well, now that I am done sharing my exciting past weeks, I’ve got to finish my assignments for school and prepare for finals coming up in the weeks ahead. I think I’ve done my fair share of sharing. No pun intended.

Now I Know My A B C 's...

I seen this on Sheri's blog and it looked like fun.

Sheri has the neatest blog, and I told her that I would post this some days ago. My bad! Sorry Sheri. Well, it's better late than never I always say!


The rules are :
1. To each letter of the alphabet, write a word connected to you.
2. Tag 6 people.


Coming up with something for each letter proved to be fun. Thank goodness I know the ABC's!


A - Alfalfa. He was a TV star on the show 'The Little Rascals' and Spankys' best friend. I loved his cowlick! My first crush and the obvious effect TV can have on little kids.
B - Books. I love to read. I am a true bookworm.
C - Curves. Have plenty of them. It's just more of me to love that's all!
D - Death. I will never get into a long discussion about it because it scares me to death. No pun intended.
E - Enya. One of my favorite singers. Why?!? I don't know. I guess I like her vocal ability.
F - Friends & Family. Very important. Vital to my life support.
G - Google. I Google everything. I used to be a Yahoo! girl, but now I'm addicted to Google.
H - Hubby. Fave topic to digress about. Can you tell?
I - Ignore. I'm good at ignoring those who annoy me.
J - Job. It sucks that millions of my fellow Americans are losing them left and right. That's why I hardly talk about it.
K - Kangaroo. I've always wanted to know what their fur feels like. And do they really kick you if you get too close?
L - Love. It's obvious that is my number one motivation to live. And you?
M - Money. Don't have enough. Enough said.
N - Numbers. They amaze but also scare me. I so suck at them as well.
O- Open. I am learning to be more open. How am I doing?
P - Parenting. It's a mystery to me. Scares me to pieces as well! Why didn't I just watch TV in bed instead of jumping my old man's bone?!?
Q - Quiet person. Especially when I'm in deep thought.
R - Roses. Love them in all colors. The scent is pretty incredible as well.
S - Sunny days. My favorite kind of days. I'm a much better person to be around when it is sunny outside.
T - Too much television takes up too much of my time. I still watch it though. I'll join a 12 step program one day. Don't hold your breath though.
U - Unfaithful people are not part of my circle.
V - Violin. Want to learn how to play. Personally I believe I'll screech so badly when I put the bow to the strings, that I will attract dogs 10 miles away.
W - Windows Vista is pretty cool. Now if only I could get that little arrow marker to stop clicking on things that I don't want to get into.
X - Xtra xtra. The sleazy show about the Hollywood scene, gives me a daily dose of gossipy sludge.
Y - Yogurt. First thing in the morning. Love all flavors.
Z - Need some zzz's. I'm always tired.


Now how about you give this a try!


Anyone who reads this blog consider yourself tagged! This way I will not leave anyone of you beautiful people out.
:-)

Hello March!

Not that it is officially March yet, but this is to mark the last day of NaBloPoMo of 2009.


I loved every moment of it. Some days I was really lost on what to write. Other days I was pouring my heart out to you all. And your responses were overwhelming. In a good way!


Very honest, kind, and supportive and I feel overwhelmed with emotion. Right now:

"My cup runneth over"

I feel very good that I finished this blog with more than 28 posts. I never thought that I would be able to do so. But you all were so very supportive and truly the motivation to me finishing my NaBloPoMo for February 2009. Two points!


I think that I will only do this NaBloPoMO every year in February. It is the shortest month and, I tell you no lies when I say this, thirty/thirty-one days is a little overwhelming! :-P


I would personally like to thank:
Akilah
Sheri
Lucy
Ashley
Cyndi
Brenda Susan
Carma
Charles Gramlich
Maxie
Kylie
Chris
Mom (from The Mind of Mom)
Donna (of Don Mills Diva)
Stone
Speedcat Hollydale
Christine
Deutlich
Nilsa
Anne Nguyen
Lilly
Clarity
Mr. Bill
Dee =^.^=
Tina
and Sara for all of your comments.


I would also like to thank my children for being the entertainment that keeps my life busy and for not taking life so seriously.


I'd like to thank my therapist Ms. G for being their when the times got rough.


I like to thank my professor who personally influenced at least three of my post this month.


I'd also like to thank my hubby for being the man that he is. If he wasn't, then I'd have nothing to share and then laugh about it with you all. Love you hubs!


I'd like to thank my dentist for lying to me. That drilling done on my teeth DID hurt! You have to love a doc who would lie to you with a smile. A pretty sparkling, white, straight teeth smile.


I'd also like to thank the driver following too close behind me last night when I was on my way home for shining those darn 'brights' into my eyes so that I would drive faster. I was doing 70 MPH dude! But you still passed me when the coast was clear. I hope that you got to that stop sign that you so desperately wanted to get to!


I'd also like to thank the old lady who stopped me in the grocery store last night who accused me of stealing her popcorn out of her cart. While we were standing in the snack isle right next to the chips and popcorn. Right after she put her bag of popcorn back on the shelf. A full two minutes before I even thought of buying any. Thanks for making me the center of attention in the one place I should have not even gone near since starting my diet.


*Sigh* I sooo want March to come. And soon.


Love you all,
*BIBI*

I've Been Dreaming

I usually don’t dream but last night I did. If I do dream it is because I’ve slept too much or I tossed and turned all night. I’m hoping it’s the former and not the latter or I’m going to be more tired then a drunken monkey.

I dreamt about Madea. For those of you who don’t know Madea, she is the creation of Tyler Perry who has the shows on TBS called ‘House of Payne’ and ‘Meet the Browns’. He has also made quite a few movies like ‘Diary of a Mad Black Woman’ starring Shemar Moore and Kimberly Elise; and the ‘Family That Preys’ with Alfre Woodard and Kathy Bates.

I love the character Madea. She is loud, boisterous, funny, and downright lovable. It’s a plus that ‘she’ is played by a ‘he’, but that’s okay. I’m no hater. I love people of all shapes, sizes, color, height, breed, and whatever you have between you legs; makes me no never mind. The only person that I tease about their height is my SIL who I’ve told to write a letter of complaint to the town mayor for building the sidewalk too close to her ass. It’s all in fun.

Now I realize that Mr. Tyler has been receiving some criticism from people for wearing the dress and portraying a woman. But hell, he is a success and people worldwide love his Madea! She’s the grandma everyone needs or wants. However my Grandmother is never as boisterous as Madea, but she gets her point across just fine. Plus, I love a man who is comfortable wearing a dress and not afraid to laugh at himself in public. Now back to my dream.

Well, me the hubby and my son were outside this woman’s house just sweep her yard. The yard was full of leaves and we were using brooms. WTF? But it’s a dream. Let me continue. So we finish sweeping and piling the leaves in piles, but we don’t put them into any bags.

I began to help the hubs without even knowing why or what we were doing there at some random stranger’s house. He knew though and insisted that I help. So that’s what I was doing when he said that we should stop and go to the old lady and tell her we were done. Done? “I thought we were to put them in bags?” I shouted at him. Strange, even in my dream I still show my irritation to the hubby.

Anyskittle, we go up these horrendous flights of stairs that go on forever. I mean it was like the sky was the limit. As we climbed up the stairs we stopped and looked at a kite that was aimlessly flying in the wind. No kid holding it on the other end, just floating in the sky without a thought or care. We continued our trek. We come to the ladies door and I knock.

I hear this shrill “Who is it?” I back away. The hubby then opens the door a smidgen and shouts in the crack “It’s me!”

“Who the hell is ‘ME’?” she says. The hubby stands back and looks at me. He has a slight grin on his face but proceeds to say “Umm, we were out sweeping your leaves.”

“Oh is that you? Come on in. Why didn’t you say so?” Madea then opens the door big as life. She has on a turquoise dress with little white flowers. I just stare at her as she is standing there smiling. I don’t move. The hubby and son go in and look back at me like I’ve lost my head.

"Your, your, your Madea!" I stutter.

“Yeah, won’t you come on in? I’ve just made some food for you’ll to eat. Ya hungry?”

I finally nod my head and walk inside. Her house has lots of trinkets and lots of little statues around. Comfy in a sort of maternal kind of way.

“Have a seat.” She leads us to her dining room and we sit down. She brings out all this food like a rotisserie chicken, sweet yams, collard greens, corn on the cob, biscuits, and dinner mints. Can you tell that I went to bed hungry?

Anyskittle, we laugh and Madea told more jokes than I ever heard. The details are kind of fuzzy because this is the time when the hubby began to shift around the bed and blow his fog horn in my ear. Let’s just say if you do decide to visit Madea, I’m quite sure she’ll be a gracious host. Just invite me to come along.

Or better yet, meet me at the theater when you go to see ‘Madea Goes to Jail’. It’s this Friday. Let’s make it a date!

Choosing to Exhale

ME AND THE BUNNY IN BETTER TIMES.
SOON MY LOVE FOR STUFFED ANIMALS WOULD REFLECT IN MY PERSONALITY.

What attracts people to their mates? It’s a question that has been lingering in my head since the news of the Rhianna and Chris Brown fiasco. I feel compelled to respond now because I witnessed many abusive situations in my time.

At no time do I feel compelled to defend a man who hits on a woman, nor can I readily forgive them. I do realize that there are two sides to every story, so I try not to be so quick in my judgments. However, I feel compelled to answer the call to abused women everywhere.

As a little girl, I witnessed the most horrific abuse that a woman can endure. My father beat my mother. Since I was the oldest of eight I was a witness to a lot of physical abuse.

The man, who calls himself my father, beat on my mom while she was pregnant with child number five. It was not uncommon, and I grew up with this kind of abuse. However; this one sticks out in my memory so vividly. I remember getting ready because my mom was about to take us all out to Central Park for an outing. She told him that she was tired of him and his nonsense and would soon leave. He of course, threw a fit. That’s when I seen him punch my mom in the face.

She went down like a boxer being KO’d in the ring. With her dress ballooning around her as she fell in front of her dresser, I soon knew what I had to do. Grabbing my two little sisters and little brother I quickly took them by the hand and led them downstairs until the fighting died down.

I was eight at the time, and my reactions were quick. Grabbing sister A (age 7) and brother T (age 6) by one hand, and grabbing sister N (age 3) in the other hand I half dragged, half pulled them down the stairs until the beating subsided.

As I stood in the big picture window overlooking our front yard, I prayed that someone could hear my mother screaming, and would come and rescue us. I watched as one man walked by the window stopped in front of our house, turned and looked at the sobbing children in the window and shook his head.

My brother and sisters were crying, especially sister N who wanted my mom, but was too frightened to go upstairs. I was the only one who stood without tears, having seen and heard it all before. At eight I knew how to suppress my feelings and not let it be known that I was hurting for my mom and that I wanted my father dead. The guilt I felt at wanting someone I love dead, confused me to no end. I have a hard time looking him in the face to this day.

The sound of my own blood rushing in my ears grew louder as the screaming wouldn’t stop. The sound of dressers falling and tables being overturned echoed in my head as my father threw furniture around. I imagined my mother shielding her belly with one arm and trying to ward of her attacker with the other. I silently said to myself “stop, stop, stop”, but my whispers fell on deaf ears, as no one would listen.

I walked the siblings to the door as if to take them outside. By now they were shivering, and couldn’t control their chattering teeth. Soon as I made the decision to take them outside, the screaming stopped. My heart raced a little as I wanted to know if my mom was okay. I stood at the bottom of the staircase listening, waiting, and soon realized that I couldn’t breathe because I was holding my breath. Exhaling loudly, my head jerked up when I heard my father shout at me to come upstairs. Looking up at him standing at the top of the stairs my scowl spoke otherwise, and I stared him down as if to contest him. He walked away and went into the bathroom.

I wanted to go upstairs to see how my mom was doing, but looking back at my sibs who snuck up behind me, I thought it was best not to otherwise. I could hear her whimpering and crying, but was conflicted on what to do. I stayed downstairs with my little brother and sisters and we huddled on the window seat in the picture window until the “attacker” left.

He was mumbling how he would kill my mother, and she better listen to him next time or else. I still remember looking at him with such disgust, and how he stared me down as if to say ‘go ahead try it.’ He won, and I knew when to back off when the odds were not in my favor.

In reflection, I look back at those times and wonder what would I have done if my parents owned a gun and I found it? Would I have been one of those children that you see on the news who tell their story over and over again to the media who wants to know what happened? Only to be lost in the system years later and on one of those “Where Are They Now” shows?

Now that the hubby and I are faced with our own crisis but working on it, I now empathize with the women who have to wake up everyday and move on with life after being assaulted in such a fashion. I constantly ask my mom why she endured such abuse for 21 years. To that she has no answer.

I’m not holding my breath for an answer either, because she is trying to move on with her life after being divorced from my father for 15 years now. This is the moment when I exhale, and I then realize that I have been holding my breath in anticipation that I am missing something in life. Something like moving on from the pain and realizing that no one will make my life better, only me.

In retrospect, with all that has happened to me in my childhood, I have decided to try to be very careful in my selection of mates. I’ve failed in some aspects, but in others I have dutifully have tried to correct my mistakes and have no regrets in my decision making. Only vow to learn from them.

To err is human, to forgive is divine. I’m still working on the forgiving part.

We Are All Creatures of Habit

I habitually watch television, blog, daydream about being a famous writer, drink a gallon of water a day, and dream about being 60 pounds thinner. I am also a creature of stranger habits, but this blog page is way too short to list all of the *ahem* details.


However, I do know I have a habit of doing other things as well. I:


-Tell the hubby that we have less in our joint account after I deposit HIS checks so that I can buy something that I really want, but not necessarily need.


-Tell the children that if they don't eat all of their okra at dinner, that they'll have nightmares.


-Always tell my loving but habitually curious Grandmother that everything is okay, when it's sometimes not. (It's for her own good, she doesn't need to worry!)


-Convince myself that writing in my journal every night can be cathartic (Oprah's definition) and can possibly be a good story when that journal is finished. (I have yet to fill up one journal since 2003.)


-Tell myself that one day the hubby will figure out that the laundry hampers are colored coded for a reason and that he will stop sticking to be bleached clothes and not-to-be-bleached clothes in the same basket. He is definitely a work in progress.


-Tell the children that if they don't do their chores that they will lose their TV privileges. (LOL, that one even sounds funny to my ears!)


-Tell myself that one day I'll just answer the 'unknown' numbers that keep showing up on my caller ID with: "Hello, welcome to Wendy's."


-Constantly tell myself that reading a book into the wee hours of the morning and then getting up at 6 AM to get the kids ready for school is really something not good for the irrational and impatient. (Until then I'll cuss and mumble into I get my 'fix' of my daily must read blogs.)


-Tell myself that not everyone is perfect and that I need to stop being so hard on myself.


Some say that honesty is the best policy ya know!


But until then, honesty can stay the hell under the bed until I am ready to face her!

Happy Heart Day!

Presently, I am in the mood to watch a good movie. A good romantic comedy/romantic drama. You know a chick flick! Something that will make me laugh and do the ugly cry at the same time. With it being Valentine’s day and the hubby at work until 9PM, I think it only appropriate that I watch a good movie.

The choices are limitless. Lifetime of course has many romantic movies showing today, but they are not what I want now. You have to be in the mood to watch Lifetime, and what I really want is something on DVD.

How about?:

West Side Story

Racial tension in the streets of NYC. Romance between man and woman on different sides. Guys with tight pants that are just a wee bit high. Girls with Brooklyn/Puerto Rican Accents who can’t sing. The most touching scene is when Maria holds Tony in her arms while he lies dying. That is cinema at its best in 1961.

Ever After

Indeed the best Cinderella story ever made! Drew Barrymore and Angelica Huston were the best in the movie, and the other characters made the movie as well. Action, laughter, tears, and the very familiar story of Cinderella winning the Prince in a storytelling way that made my children believe that the story was true.

Notting Hill

Julia Roberts & Hugh Grant, what a duo! Actually the whole rich girl, poor boy –or- famous girl, successful bookstore owner made the tale of star-crossed lovers very believable and I fell in love with the movie. Not enough to list it as my favorite, but close enough. For added comic effect they put the dingy, filthy but lovable flat mate of Hugh’s whose presence the audience needed when the movie got too heavy.

Titanic

Made movie history and I went to go see it three times! This is the first performance of Kate Winslet that I had ever seen and of course I fell in love with her. Just a girl crush mind you, nothing serious. Leo was excellent and of course with the rest of the world I was bummed when he didn’t get nominated for the Oscar. However, the movie will live forever in my heart as timeless, and it was money well spent. Just the right amount of drama to make the romance believable and for years I thought that Jack and Rose were truly real passengers on the Titanic.

Atonement

Nothing that Kiera Knightley does is small. The romantic drama was a little over the top but made me appreciate the life that I do have with hubby and not to trust anyone to mess with that. Great storyline and I felt so sorry for the lovers.

Serendipity

I love John Cusack, and he was also in Say Anything, one of my faves as a teen. Kate Beckinsdale is not to bad either. I love movies with lovers wanting to be together but can’t for some reason or another. The whole fact that they reconnected after 10 years separated with a book holding the final say so, on whether they will get together made me weepy. A great one for the box of Kleenex on the coffee table.

Runaway Bride

Julia Roberts again with Richard Gere since their movie ‘Pretty Woman’. They make one of the most pleasant couples on the screen right next to Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock. Lots of laughs, just the right amount of romance to make the movie enjoyable. Plus, one of my favorites as well.

Pride and Prejudice

So many remakes of the classic story by Jane Austen but the movie starring Kiera Knightley was absolutely the best. You know wealth and status was such a determining factor in a woman’s amounts of proposals in those days.

Sense and Sensibility

Another with Kate Winslet and the movie was excellent as well. This is one for under the covers with the shades pulled down and lots of candy sprinkled around you, with the box of tissues nearby. Emma Thompson is a great actress as well and pulls it off real well. Especially at the end when she begins to cry at her marriage proposal by Hugh Grant. Such a chic flick!

Much Ado about Nothing

And last but not least, one of my favorites. Lover’s quarrels, innocent girls turning into women, accusation, sex, and jilted brides set in 1640 Italy. Sounds like an episode on a soap. However; I LOVE this movie and Shakespeare is of course the greatest romantic writer known this world over. Enough said.

Well, with so many choices you would think that I had my full of movies to at least get into the holiday spirit. But NOOOO!

Had hair duty (3 heads total), bubble baths, cookie making, spaghetti and meatballs dinner’ cause of course it is a holiday, laundry (6 loads), homework, and kitchen cabinets to straighten.

The only thing that came close to anything romantic on TV today was whether Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana could make up her mind to plant a big one on the handsome admirer or tell him that she was Hannah Montana.

And how did you celebrate heart day?!?