Mom, The Wolfman and Me

I am going to tell you all a secret. Something my mom doesn't even know about.


I used to have the biggest crush on Joaquin Phoenix. Notice the emphasis on the words 'used to'.


Just to give you a little history lesson on my crazy and innocent crush.


As a little teen bopper in the late 80's, I used to LOVE his brother River Phoenix. I thought he was the cat's meow. Saw all his movies, read every article about him. Watched him live at the Oscar's and prayed hard that he would win. I even considered stalking him in L.A. when we lived in Cali. It was closed to being obsessed that I could come.


Then he overdosed in front of the Viper Room in Hollywood, and that was all she wrote.



Years later I saw Gladiator and fell head over heels for the tyrannical Commodus. The acting was chilling and I was all about bad boys then. (That would explain the EX husband).





Antyways.


I watched and bought all of his movies, joined his fan club, read every coverage on him from People magazine to GQ, and I even went so far as to attempt to write him a fan letter. I never mailed it.


I even considered putting his name on my license plates. They would have looked like this:

JOAQNPX

The hubby wasn't going for it. I don't blame him. Now.


It was this photo that did it for me last January.

Joaquin + Mountain Beard = SAY WHAT?!?

Okay what is it with actors who have such a brilliant career, and they want to throw it all away to pursue a music career. Yeah I know we've heard it all before, and my crush (even though innocent) died the moment I saw that picture.


Call me shallow, but I can't comprehend the former actor who almost won two Oscars and won one Golden Globe as a rapper. Can you?


He won a Grammy for the soundtrack 'Walk The Line', and now he wants to be a rapper. And guess who is rumored to produce his record? P. Diddy.


Yes people I know, the news is old about Joaquin Phoenix wanting to be a rapper. To prove that he is serious, BIL Casey Affleck is recording a documentary about the whole transition. A rapper who started his career rapping to such titles such as 'I Want A Refund', and droning on and on and trying to rhyme 'boom' and 'room' over and over again. Yes, rapping world beware, there is a new kid in town!


It's not even good rapping like Eminem, but it sounds like something put together on a paper napkin at the bar, two minutes before going on stage.


Yes, this twice nominated Oscar boy of Hollywood used to make my heart go all a flutter, but not anymore.


It's just scary.


And my mom still doesn't know.

Get In. Sit Down. Shut Up. Hold On.

Well, I did it again.

I went to therapy and let the hubby drive again, against my better judgment. Against ALL better judgment.

The morning started out like any other morning. I packed lunch, hugged the kids, ate breakfast, showered, and dressed for our 10:30 AM appointment.

Needless to say, I wanted to leave at 8:30 but we left at 9:03.

Hubby started the truck up while I added the finishing touches to my face. You know, a chewed up black eyeliner pencil, baby lotion, and Vaseline for lip-gloss. A momma can never find what she is looking for when the kiddies ransack her bathroom and leave her the bare necessities.

I finally got in the truck, and we took off. The fact that we took off at a pace of a NASCAR driver should have hinted me on to what was to lie ahead, but I was concentrating on keeping the hubby awake whilst he drove.

15 minutes into the drive, I blinked all of my eyeliner off, my face felt like I rubbed sandpaper on it, and I licked all of the Vaseline off trying to keep my tongue in my mouth as the hubby swerved around cars to try to make up for lost time.

I felt like I was on a bad rollercoaster ride. I tried to make it more interesting so that the hubby wouldn’t begin to nod off.

Me: “Why are you swerving? I’m getting nauseous just trying to keep in time to the swaying.”

Hubby: “I’m trying to make up for lost time.”

Me: “No duh. But you can drive at a reasonable speed limit and let some of the cars past you. This is not a race.”

Hubby immediately slows down to 55 MPH. The speed limit is 65.

***driving, driving, driving***

Me: looking at my watch as the time rolls by and we haven’t reached the next county yet “You know the speed limit IS 65 MPH.”

Hubby immediately speeds up. He then fiddles with the radio and turns to ‘The Steve Harvey Show’.

We listen contently as a girl named Mikka is interviewing bachelors for a date in Chicago, fully paid for by Steve Harvey.

***driving, driving, driving***

Me: “Whoa! Slow down and let Shamu of the highway get past you. Damn trucks always hogging the road.”

Hubby: “What did you call that truck?”

Me: “Shamu. You know like the whale at sea world somewhere. I don’t know. He’s big and annoying and he practically ran us over trying to get to that next stop sign.”

Hubby: Chuckling “Your silly.”

Me: sourly “I’m glad to be of some amusement to you.”

***driving, driving, driving***

Me: “Pew whee, do you smell that?”

Hubby: “Yeah. The farmers must be out early fertilizing their land.”

Me: voice muffled as I try to talk with both of my hands covering my nose and mouth “You would think that they would have found a better use for cow poo poo than the fields near the highway. Don’t they realize that people actually drive past here and don't want their nostrils insulted?”

Hubby: “That’s not cow manure, it’s human sludge.”

Me: voice muffled as I am still covering my nose and mouth “Na-uh. Stop joking around. They wouldn’t use human waste for farmland.”

Hubby: looking at me as if I just came from the planet bobble head “Hon, this is Amelia County. Welcome to human sludge wastelands U.S.A.”

Me: “Oh my God!” Momentarily forgetting to cover my mouth and nose, and quickly covering them back up again.

Hubby: “You know I heard that it is a good fertilizer for your hair as well. Want to stop and get some?”

Me: I am now using the bottom half of my upturned sweater and both of my hands to cover my nose and mouth as the smell now permeates through the vents in the truck. “Ha. Ha. And ha! I’m so glad that you find yourself sooo amusing.”

Hubby: pouting “Well I’m just saying…”

Me: “Why? I don’t think that joking about.. WHOA! Slow down! You almost hit that car!”

Hubby: “Too late. I’m way ahead of you.”

Me: “But you did almost hit them.”

Hubby: “Well, then he should watch where he puts his car in front of someone then.”

Me: “Why can’t you admit that you almost hit that car?”

Hubby: Turning to me as if his neck is possessed by the devil with a frown on his forehead to match “Please let me drive!”

I back off, because he IS driving. Plus I want to get there in one piece.

***driving, driving, driving, driving***

Hubby is beginning to nod off.

Me: “Dude, watch the road.”

Hubby: “I’m alright, I’m alright.”

Me: grumbling under my breath “You NEED to watch the road.”

Hubby: “Wanna drive?”

Me: “You betcha damn skippy.”

Hubby: sighs as he shakes his head awake and shifts in his seat “You know I can drive.”

Me: “No argument here.”

Hubby: yawning. Hard. With his mouth open.

Me: “Pew whee!! Did you eat cheese this morning?”

Hubby: “Yup!”

Me: mumbling under my breath as I roll down the window “Good God have mercy.”

***driving, driving, driving***

We finally reach our destination, and I announce that I would drive home. The hubby shrugged me off. I took it as a yes.

*** ONE HOUR LATER***

I race to the truck and get in the drivers seat. The hubster didn’t have a chance.

I adjusted the seat, fixed my mirrors, popped in my Whitney Houston Greatest hits CD.

Hubby sat in the passenger seat, leaned back and folded his arms across his stomach.

I drove out of the parking at a respectable speed and made it to the highway without a sound from him. The only sound between the two of us was the sound of Whitney singing.

***driving, driving, and more driving ***

I am now singing along with Ms. Houston, and trying to match her high notes. I am content that I don’t sound so screechy. I am in my own little world and the hubby is silent so I assume that he is sleeping. I look over at him.

Nope. No luck. He is still awake, gripping his knees and frowning.

***driving, driving, driving ***

20 minutes from home and the hubby is still silent. I am still singing along to Ms. Houston and making good time on the highway.

I then look over at the hubs and notice that he is sitting up in his seat gripping his knees and frowning into the windshield.

Me: “What’s wrong?”

Hubby: “I was trying to sleep but I can’t.”

Me: “Why can’t you?”

Hubby: “I liked your nagging this morning better than this singing of yours.”

Damn, I thought I sounded good.

These Are My Reflections.

I was tagged by the awesome Sheri last week. It is until now that I am able to post something in relation to these questions because I had to think long and hard about what I was to say. Even longer when it came to question/request #2. I hate taking pictures.

That said, enjoy this Q&A. I enjoyed answering these questions and posting them for the blogging world to see.

1. Do you think you’re hot?

ANS: No, if the term is used to describe my bod; not at all! However; I am hot when I exercise. I am hot when the hubby rakes my nerves. I am hot when I see an injustice being done. It all depends on how you use the word hot.

2. Upload your favorite picture of you.

ANS: see pic.

3. Why do you like that picture?

ANS: It is my virtual representation of me. I can let go and show the world what a truly remarkable babe I am in the blogosphere. Actually, it is my avatar profile pic, but I would never wear those clothes for a photo! Maybe when I was a wild and wacky teen, but now I am a mom with a respectable family. (Who am I kidding?!?, I love clothes like that!)

4. When was the last time you ate pizza?

ANS: Two days after Thanksgiving. Extra cheese, black olives and mushrooms. YUM!

5. The last song that you listened to?

ANS: Kanye West’s’ song ‘Heartless’.

6. The last movie you watched?

ANS: ‘Bobby’ written and directed by Emilio Estevez. Heart wrenching and touching, and truly a remarkable film. Rarely do I promote a movie, but it REALLY tugged at my heart strings and I haven’t cried over a movie like that in a long time. It should have won the Oscar for ‘best picture’.

7. Last restaurant you ate at?

ANS: Crown Fried Chicken while I was in Philly. No wonder I haven’t lost any weight since I came back home.

8. Last book you fully read?

ANS: ‘At First Sight’ by Nicholas Sparks. I am a devoted fan of Nicholas Sparks. I own every book of his, and I have read each one. If that man decides to write on toilet paper and sell it on eBay, I will be the first to bid on it and hope upon hope that I win the item!

9. What are you doing right now, besides this?

ANS: Washing clothes and listening for the rinse cycle. I always forget the fabric softener!

10. What name do you prefer besides your own?

ANS: Diva! Not that I am one. But I like the way it rolls off the tongue and the way people say it. Okay;… it wouldn’t hurt to be one for the day either. ;-}

Now I am to tag 5 people who I want to answer these questions. Here they are:

http://www.akilahsakai.blogspot.com

http://www.lillyslife.com

http://www.everydaybitch.com

http://02luckydenvermint.blogspot.com

http://BERNTHIS.com

I do hope that you continue the game. I’m quite sure everyone would love to read what you come up with. I know I do! :-)

And the beat goes on...

I'm having difficulty with my blog.

It’s not so noticeable if you are reading my blog every now and then.

You might even say it something new you’d learned about me.

Here it is: I just learned how to download to my MP3 player!

To tell you the truth I didn’t even know what it was. Computer science is not an easy class to comprehend. I had to ask my three lovely teens what it does since they own one. And I’m the one who bought it for them!

‘MP3 what’?

‘What does it do’?

‘What do you mean it won’t calculate my grocery list’?

‘Can it count how many miles I walked today’?

‘Does it tell me what song to listen to’?

‘Does it choose songs that it knows I might be interested to listen to’?

‘What do you mean it DOESN’T tell the time’?

‘What?... It can’t do my taxes? Awwww shucks I knew it was too good to be true’?

Let’s just say my children didn’t talk to me for three hours after that ‘teaching momma to catch up with the times’ orientation. Class sucks! Seriously.

Anyskittle, after 3 ½ hours of negotiating, I did finally convince them to teach me how to download songs. Songs that I like anyway.

Well, here is my music playlist. It’s only a few because I grew tired after searching for hours for songs, but if I had a choice I’d rather listen to these songs than that purple dinosaur with the big feet and lots of energy!

Cher: ‘Believe’ the first artist that I recognized when I was a child and watched faithfully with my momma on TV. (Remember the Sonny & Cher show)? It is also, the one song that helped my aching heart after a rough divorce from my first husband. I truly thought I wouldn’t find another love and I had given up ever believing in love again, until I heard that song.
I guess I did believe because I’ve been married to hubby # 2 for nine years. It’ll be ten in August.

Cher: ‘Strong Enough’. Okay here she is again from the same album and in the same decade. I guess you can say Cher saved my broken love life. It’s amazing that this woman has been around so long and is still at the top of her game. She first came out in the seventies (when I was born) and is still kickin’ it. I guess I kind of regard her as my guardian angel.

Celine Dion: ‘Because You Loved Me’. Who doesn’t love Celine Dion? Even my 6 year old hums her songs. Okay, first heard the song in the movie ‘Up Close and Personal’ and absolutely fell in love with it. Never mind that I was in a bad relationship at the time, but I held out for the hope that ‘he’ would say these words to me one day. Newsflash: It never happened.

Celine Dion: ‘My Heart Will Go On’. Okay I’m beginning to see a pattern, don’t you? I guess I’m very predictable. Anyskittle, I saw the movie Titanic four times in the movie theater, and I couldn’t let go of the song. Even now if I hear the song anywhere my eyes automatically well up. It’s that serious! Needless to say I can’t sing it and I won’t even attempt to in the shower. I’ll just let the trusty MP3 do it’s job.

Mary J. Blige: ‘Just Fine’. She is a remarkable person and has triumphed over tragedy to get where she is today. That’s not the only reason why I like the song. The tune is catchy and it’s the only chorus in which I can sing without sounding like a boy with a cold.

Lee Ann Womack: ‘I Hope You Dance’. This song is touchy to me for two reasons. The day I heard it was the day my divorce became final from the first husband. And I also received the blow of my life from a friend whose son died of cancer. He was five and he loved to dance. We could twirl him for hours on end and he’d never tire. It was his favorite pastime. I was driving to get away from the house and to mourn without the kids seeing how upset I was when this song came on over the radio. It forever changed my life and when I am alone and hear this song I twirl, cry, and dance like he would have wanted me to. I know he is looking down from heaven at me whenever I do.

Alicia Keys: ‘No One’. When I first heard this song, the hubby and I were going through a rough time in our marriage. I love the melody of this song and Alicia’s’ smooth, but rich voice. It brought faith back to me that regardless of what we go through, no one was going to come between us. I am forever grateful to Alicia.

Christina Aguilera: ‘Beautiful’. Love Christina, and love the song. It was like a natural anthem to my four oldest when it first came out because they were going through a rough time with handling the divorce and all. I made myself write the words to the song and read it to them like a lullaby. Never mind that I can’t sing, but the point got across and they were comforted. It also helped soothe their anxiety because their dad had nothing to do with them since he was starting a new life with someone else. Well, I had help in repairing my little ones broken souls. Thanks Christina.

Selena: ‘I’ll Be Dreaming’. Loved the movie, and love that J.Lo. She was remarkable in the portrayal of Selena, and I’ve been in love with Latin music ever since.

New kids On the Block: ‘Hangin’ Tough’. The first boy band that I fell in love with. Jonathan was my favorite and I loved their style, their hair, and voices. I still can listen to this song though. I seen them on the AMA awards last week and cringed as they sang. Was I really in love with them once upon a time? Did I really get that old? UGH! How time turns on you!

N*SYNC: ‘Bye Bye Bye’. Okay the second boy band that I fell in love with. Love the video as well. And Justin was so cute and little. The song really didn’t reflect any particular time in my life, I just love the beat. I don’t even know the words except bye, bye, bye.

Phil Collins: ‘You Can’t Hurry Love’. I know, I know this is an old song sung by another group, but I love the way this man sings. I even watch Tarzan over and over again with my children to hear him sing. That man can sing the dictionary and I feel like I’ve been treated to something special.

Anna Sophia Robb: ‘Keep Your Mind Wide Open’. On the ‘Bridge to Terabithia’ movie soundtrack. This is my mantra that I repeat over and over to my kids. It is true that anything is possible in this day and time as long as you believe. There is nothing like a closed mind in this world that will make other people lives miserable. The song is incredibly sweet and right for the movie. I love playing the CD while driving for a long time with the kids.

Rascal Flatts: ‘Life is a Highway’. They are incredibly cute and can sing. This track is my favorite song. Incidentally it is on the movie ‘Cars’ by Disney and I don’t mind if the kids watch it over and over again. It reflects to me that life IS a highway, and all you can do is ride it. Sometimes you make pit stops along the way, sometimes you get lost, and sometimes you ask for directions. Then you keep on moving. Life is like that. Take it one day at a time.

Seriously.