Monday, May 25, 2009

Love, Growth, and Maturity

I was looking through some old cards of the hubby and mine. We will be married for 10 years in August. Looking back on when we first married I have to say that we did have a whirlwind romance.

I was working at a giant retailer at the time, and he happened to see me working in the electronics department. He eventually started a conversation and we went from there.

I was getting over a BAD relationship with the first husband, trying to raise my three girls and one boy, and working on earning my first degree in college. (Going back to school after a eight year hiatus bites, but I got through it!)

He comforted me, consoled me, and reassured me that I was a strong women who was doing the right thing. I fell head over heels. We were married after two months courting.

The children were in the wedding and really loved having a 'dad' around again. I enjoyed having someone around to talk to and help me with the kids. Some would say I was on the rebound but I never felt as if I was going to give up on the relationship until we were married for about five years.

We never reached the seven-year itch before the real fights began. But we survived it and we are now smiling at each other, making goggling eyes at each other and talking 'dirty' when the kids aren't around. I think the therapist has done her job, but we will still continue to see her until we feel certain that we are absolutely on the right track.

While looking through some of the cards, our wedding cards, anniversary, new additions to the family, millions of birthday cards, and dozens of father and mother day cards, I found some with letters in them.

Have you ever wrote letters to your loved ones trying to explain the content of the card as well as the meaning behind the card?!? Well, if you are the BIBI that is a lot to write down. Being that I AM the talkative kind, I once wrote a letter with a beautiful card that was EIGHT pages long!!

Whew! Was I that into myself then?!?

Endlessly trying to explain why I snapped at him and why he needs to be patient with me and I've had such a shitty childhood that's why I am so messed up. Then spending a page or two apologizing for being me, and asking him to be patient with me because I was sooo screwed up and blah, blah, blah, blah, and blah.

I now realized that a marriage is about two people who share the same common interests and that one person cannot always see life as a victim. I was always making myself into the victim, one who could do no better because of my past. But my past does not define me anymore, because I am now the victor of my own destiny. I make my choices, good or bad, I decide to do better instead of waiting for someone to tell me that I have changed and that I am good now. I no longer acknowledge that little voice in my head that puts me down and tells me that I am no good.

I am good, not perfect, but good. I care, I love, I feel, I embrace my emotions,I laugh, I raise my beautiful children, I strive hard to make my loved ones comfortable, and I work hard at making sure that they are loved. I am me embracing life, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, whether I am sick or healthy. I am me and it is pretty absolutely gucking freat!

Friday, May 22, 2009

Happy Awards Day!

I know there really is no such day/holiday. I just thought that it was a catchy title!

Boo-hoo to me for posting this sooo late! Sorry Sheri!
But the good news is I was awarded an award by Sheri. Actually two awards! She is too generous!

Sheri is the consummate blogger who entertains, is humorous and is always keeping the reader up to date on the latest scoop in the news. She is a better read than People Magazine.

The first award is:

With this award I have to list five sexy things about myself:

1. I love to wear sexy lingerie to bed. ( That will explain the seven children).
2. I have curves that say there is more of me to love. ( I do belong to a group called the 'Curvaceous Club').
3. My cheekbones are my best features on my face. ( Some say my eyes, I beg to differ).
4. All summer long I wear flips and keep a pedicure. (Virtually impossible for me to do in the winter.)
5. Some think I am weird. I believe that weird is sexy because it is unique.

I give this award to these sexy people:
Akilah (you said it, I believe it, that settles it!)
Brenda Susan (you are beautiful and you know it)
Lilly (All Aussies' are purely sexy to me)
Speedcat (did anyone ever tell you that making people laugh is so sexy)
Heather (obvious you are too sexy for words)
Carma (you had me at belly button bling)
Lucy (living in the suburbs will do that to you)
Tina (we momma's are so sexy in our own way)
Ashley (obviously you and the hubs are the cutest on the blogosphere)
Kelly (honest and telling life like it is is sooo sexy)
Gemmerzz (you love life and show it)
JannaBee (being a friend is always ozzing sexiness)
Rachel (raising kids is so sexy)
Sheri (back at you babe!)
Kylie (yeah you girl)

The other award is the Vespa Blogger Friendship Award!

The following friends who are nominated for this award are:
Mr. Bill
Cyndi ( I know that you said 'the end' to your blog, but you are still my buddy)
Janna Bee
Mrs. GB

Thank you again Sheri! I am so sorry for taking so long to post it. I hope that this is recognized as better late than never! You are the best girl. Love ya!

To all of you nominated for these award, it is well deserved and I am honored to have such an opportunity to be able to give it to you! If you already have the award I am sorry, but you were nominated again.

I just love you that is all!


Wednesday, May 13, 2009


I want to take this time to say goodbye to my beautiful great Aunt Clara who lost her battle with a brain tumor on May 8, 2009 at 11:01 PM.

Also called a glioblastoma multiforme, my Aunt Clara was diagnosed with this type of fast growing; the most malignant form of a brain tumor in the summer of 2008. Late summer of that same year she had her first surgery which was done with much apprehension from the medical crew, but everyone was hoping for a success story. After the surgery, my Aunt Clara had chemo, and she was able to enjoy life for a while.

By Thanksgiving of last year it came back. The doctors opted for more chemo therapy and juggled with more surgery on her tumor invading her brain. My Aunt Clara then had another surgery and this one left her weaker than before she was operated on. But that wouldn’t stop her from hosting Christmas that year at her house, even though it was done while she sat on the couch in the living room the whole time. She was always a gracious host.

By January the tumor began to metastasize on to her central nervous system, and the doctors ultimately thought it was beyond their control to try another surgery. Her body couldn’t handle another one and she gave up on the chemotherapy as it made her too sick.

The last week of March was the last time that she would go to the hospital and leave with any good news. Soon after she was placed in Hospice and we all waited. Soon my Aunt Clara couldn’t sit up any more because the cancer began to invade her spinal cord and she was steadily losing muscle tone.

The next week she couldn’t speak as her vocal cords were ravaged by the cancer. She would still respond to verbal communication when you spoke to her by nodding her head and keeping eye contact.

Soon after she began to lose her eyesight as the cancer infiltrated her blood vessels in her eyes and they became bloodshot red. She still would reach out to you if you spoke to her. This Friday she lost her battle with her enemy who wanted to take her from her family, friends and loved ones. My Aunt Clara is survived by a son, my cousin Kevin, a daughter-in-law Vida, and two grandchildren Raynard and Zarah. She also left behind her six sisters, one of whom happen to be my grandmother, who stood by her side and made sure that her ‘little’ sister was always comfortable. My Aunt Clara was 71 years young.

Of course I can not forget her love of her life, her husband, my Uncle Charles who stood by my aunt for more than 50 years. They also retired together traveling to China, Europe, Italy, numerous trips to Disneyland with the grand kids, and countless trips to VA, whenever I had a wee little one. She was the most generous woman in our family always organizing family reunions, birthday parties, holiday get-togethers, and just plain picnics whenever one of us wanted to get together, especially if we came from out of town visiting one another.

My mother said that my Aunt Clara had a ‘long arm’ which is a Persian saying meaning someone who is very generous. And that she was. Sharing her boisterous laugh, advice and love I will miss my Aunt Clara greatly. She was always a comfort to me whenever life got me down especially whenever I was going through many prepubescent and teenage trials and tribulations. With a great big smile on her face and not a seemingly fake bone in her body, I was always glad to see my Aunt Clara at family functions or reunions.

Her funeral will be held this Friday at 12 PM in Westchester County, New York. Surrounded by loved ones, friends and family I am hoping that she will feel the love that we will bestow upon her that day as we celebrate not her death, but the life that she led and left behind for us all to remember.

Farewell my sweet sweet aunt. You will be surely missed.

May you rest in peace!

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

May 5, 2009 marks the 147th Cinco De Mayo.

I remember distinctly, when I was a child, some of my Spanish friends celebrating this holiday, but I vaguely remember why it was celebrated.

Personally I believe that it should be an American holiday as well, because 4,000Mexican soldiers smashed the French and Mexican army of 8,000 at Puebla, Mexico, 100 miles east of Mexico City, New Mexico on the morning of May 5, 1862. Kind of heroic huh?!? To know more, read here.

I wondered if I am qualified to celebrate. Some of my ancestors were Portuguese. :D