A Woman's Week At The Gym

I've told you all about my quest to lose weight. I've joined Sparkpeople in early December 2008 and have made some pretty nifty friends. One in particular whose name is Sparkle1908.

Spark gives us these numbers at the end of our names as if to identify us. Like for example; my sign-in name is BIBI071 on Sparkpeople. Being that I am not born in '71 I don't know how they came up with that number.

Antyways.

Here is her recent experience at the gym. I fell on the floor laughing. I hope you do to!! :-D

Dear Diary,

For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
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MONDAY:

Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!

Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!
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TUESDAY:

I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.
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WEDNESDAY:

The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.

Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.

My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other stuff too.
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THURSDAY:

Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late - it took me that long to tie my shoes.

Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny lady to find me. Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank. _______________________________

FRIDAY:

I hate that cow Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.

Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
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SATURDAY:

Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

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SUNDAY:

I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little demon) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

And the Oscar Goes to...

Heath Ledger, was a remarkable actor. Just recently (two weeks ago) I saw 'Dark Knight.' He was superb, and I hope he does win.

It wasn't until I saw Heath in '10 Things I hate About You' that I really began to dig Aussie guys. (See my label on 'Hugh Jackman') Of course, I never had the chance to meet or date one, but a girl can dream can't she?!? :^)

If he does win, his daughter Matilda, with whom he had with Michelle Williams is only three and will bring home the trophy for her dad. If only she can sign a contract. Read the complete article.

Now, I believe that a three year old can sign their name because kids are being taught earlier in life these days, but to put such a stipulation on such a child who has just lost her father is downright sad.

I hope the Academy's President comes up with a better solution for any 2 year old ready to pick up his/her trophy in the coming future.

There Are Pheromones In the Air

In retrospect, February is the LOVE month. I am not in too much of a mushy mood. Yes, to receive a valentine would be nice, but I can’t write about love. I’ve tried and failed miserably.

Not to say that my children don’t enjoy it. Heck they had valentine parties in school today and came home with so much junk. Awww well, at least they are enjoying the holiday.

Some researchers are now saying that the attraction is now societal or biological, not logical. So does that mean that logically we don’t choose our mate properly but by societal judgment? Or is the biological part the physical attraction or the way we see our future mother/father to our children.

So is the chemical attraction for real or just something to keep researchers busy with money from the government to do bogus science experiments? Read this article to find out what USA today has time to write, wasting the readers time and 75 cents.

Coming tomorrow: the Anti-Valentine article.: ^)