Wednesday, December 31, 2008

And New Year's Is Right Around The Corner...

Hello fellow bloggers!

You thought I forgot about you didn't ya?

All's well and we snuck off to Philly for a little break from reality. Hubby's in-laws are from Philadelphia and we needed a break from Bambi, our closest neighbor. (Let me tell you, he LOVES shrubs!)

Anyskittle, I don't know what all the fuss is about the city. Personally I think it is overrated. Sorry no offense to anyone who resides in the city, but I prefer Bambi leaving me little 'treats' on my doorstep to someone drunk trying to get in my door!

But so far so good; surprisingly Philly has been good to us all. We came here Saturday night, and we are currently at my sister-in-laws house. The children are enjoying the sights, smells, and scenery that the city has to offer. But I believe, that if we stay any longer my children will want to permanently stay. To them, this is real living and they don't really want to leave. But alas, all good things MUST come to an end.

We plan to make it back home Friday which is just a six hour drive, and I will then give you all the scoop on everything that has happened thus far.

We have gone shopping to catch some of the after Christmas sales and got some really good bargains, but I grew tired after store # 16. We still had 184 more stores to go to. Franklin Mills mall has over I believe 200 stores and is one of the biggest malls in PA.

My daughters went to Macy's for the first time. They didn't buy anything as their budget won't allow it, so all they did was some window shopping and took some pics with some handsome mannequins. The real boys weren't around, so I guess they had to go for the next best thing!

Well, I gotta go and sight-see the city some more and catch up with the other half of relatives that I didn't meet. Hopefully, New Year's will be a blast!

It may not be NYC but it's close enough.

Monday, December 22, 2008

The Honest Scraps That Rule My Life.

Okay, I’ve been away for a while and I was catching up on my blogging world and reading my favorite can’t do without daily blog reads when I started reading The Essential Mr. Bill @ and noticed that I got tagged.

Me of all people tagged! Awww shucks Bill, I feel so honored. Thanks Mr. Bill for the Honest Scrap award, and anyone reading should go visit him. He’s awesome!

The Honest Scrap award means – “leftovers, fragments, discarded material, and many times truth and honesty is discarded material, considered fragments and left over.” That being said, we need to tell it like it is, and let the scraps fall where they will.

The honorees are to: a) first list 10 honest things about yourself - and make it interesting, even if you have to dig deep! B) pass the award on to 7 bloggers that you feel embody the spirit of the Honest Scrap.

Now, this is the time for reflection. (Breaking out into a cold sweat) 10 honest things about myself huh? Do you really want to know THAT much about me? Well, here it goes:

1. I’m afraid of rejection. I believe it has everything to do with my childhood and my first divorce.

2. I live for comments and new followers on my blog. I have low self-esteem issues. And I picked the best forum to face my rejection issues; over the net.

3. I’m scared one day my husband will one day pick up and leave me. See #1.

4. I’m afraid my children will one day leave me all alone. This by the way has nothing to do with rejection I think, it’s just that I love them so much and I definitely have detachment issues for some odd reason.

5. I have a hard time trusting people and getting people to get me. I’m really not that complicated. What you see is what you get.

6. I love my mom and want to tell her that I love her but I’m afraid of her rejection. My mom and I don’t have the best of relationships, so I’m afraid to trust her with my deep and honest feelings.

7. I want to lose 50 lbs, but I’m afraid I will sabotage my diet again. I am forever looking for ways to defeat a noble cause.

8. I have cellulite on my thighs that I have lovingly named “Rocky Road”. This may or may not be a determining factor for wanting to lose weight. I also figured it will help me with my self-esteem issues.

9. I can’t put on make-up without my 16 year old daughters’ help. I so lack in girly-girl skills it’s not even funny.

10. I wish I had a closer relationship with my immediate family. However nowadays, I find my blogging family more interesting to get to know than my real family at this time. It’s like they get me, and don’t reject me and my quirky ways.

Here are the 7 people that I nominate. I pass the Honest Scrap award to you now. If you read this post consider yourself tagged. And please know I don’t mean any harm by choosing you, I just love your honesty.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Out of the mouth of babes.

I'm back fellow bloggers and I apologize for being away so long. In between the shopping, baking, cooking, babysitting, packing, gift wrapping, and house cleaning I've been on a mission. To cure the runner of the family from running.

My six year old was diagnosed with AHD. Nothing to worry about. My daughter's doctor wanted to put her on Ritalin, which I readily agreed to, so that I could get some 'stuff' done while preparing for this busy holiday season.

Why I didn't read up on Ritalin I will never know, but let me tell you it really works.

You see my six year old is a runner. She runs to bed at night. She runs to the bathroom. She runs out of the bathroom. She runs to eat breakfast. She runs to brush her teeth. She runs to the car. She runs to the store. She runs... well you get the picture.

Anyway, on day 3 of the miracle drug called Ritalin I noticed a quiteness settle over the house as I no longer heard the 'thomp, thomp' of feet running back and forth to the bedroom and then to the bathroom. I went in search of the little runner and found her lying on her floor looking at the coloring book. Just LOOKING. Its unusal because aren't coloring books for coloring? And she loves to color. I didn't worry too much as she was quiet and I was getting 'stuff' done.

Day 4, and the runner was definitely stopped. I began to worry because she not only stopped running, but was sleeping a lot as well. If she wasn't sleeping she was laying around in the family room just not doing anything. Not looking at TV, not being a trouble-maker, not yelling, nothing. I began to feel uneasy about my quiet home. It was just too quiet!

Day 5 and I watched as the runner layed around again for another afternoon just watching her siblings going about their business. I decided to talk to her and see what was up.

"Tamara, don't you want to go out and play? It's nice and (gulp) cold out."

"... (no response)"

"Tamara, Do you want to get up and help with the butter cookies?"

" (eyes do light up at the sound of food) ... Hmmmm. Uhuh."

"Babe, what's the matter?"


"Don't you want to get up and run around a bit? Come on, come into the kitchen for a snack."

"Nah, that's okay."

"Tamara, you are so quiet and I miss you getting up and being Tamara. Come on sweetie, what are you thinking about?"

Tamara turns to look at me. Her eyes widen, as I brace for her answer.

"I'm thinking about running momma!"

It's been two days since Ritalin has seen the bottom of my garbage can.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Hey dude, that's my toothbrush!

There’s a battle brewing in the BIBI household. (No surprise there since there are 9 people on which you can choose which toe to step on).

It has to do with space. Personal space. Lots and lots of personal space.

I want it, I need it, and I’ve got to have it.

Especially dealing with my closet. It’s a pretty darn big walk-in closet that I share with the hubby, but he has limited room to put his stuff, because of my ‘stuff’.

Why? you ask. Well, let’s just say that I didn’t hold up to my side of the bargain when I said I would clean out my side of the closet. Now my side of the closet consists of his side too.

Selfish right? I don’t think so. It’s true some of us women tend to collect more clothes than the stores that we shop at have on their racks, but who’s counting?

The hubby is! That’s why there is a battle. He has decided he is going to stake his claim as if this the land rushes of the 18th century. He has made a statement that he is here to stay and has moved my ‘stuff’ over in an attempt to stake what is rightfully his. Okay true that, but he started it.

Day 1: “Hon, what is this strange drum doing on my side of the closet? I specifically said that all of the shelving on the right side of the closet is essential to my shirts that must be kept a certain way so that I can find them in case the light doesn’t work one morning.”

“Have you ever thought about changing the light bulbs? You know you’re not that short.”

Okay; I’m 5’5”, one inch taller than a petite person and he claims I can reach a bulb two feet above my head. Um.. whatever!!

Day 2: “Hon, where did these pile of shirts come from? And their on my side of the closet! What’d you do, hit a garage sale on the way home from work?”

“NO! They are my shirts that YOU keep putting on the floor under YOUR bookshelf. I’ve decided to put them on the shelves that we both decided that would be mine. Remember?”

Point taken.

Day 3: “Babe, where did these shoes come from? I don’t remember these. And you have 7 pairs combined with mine. When’d you come up with that brilliant idea?”

“The day that we moved in. We are BOTH to share that shelf that I bought, not just you!"

Oh! The battle was on. He had no right to bring up the past.

So for the next few days, I began to put up little post-it notes in different colored ink on everything in our room and bathroom.












Let’s just say, my poor hubby wore his battle wounds proudly. I however, pouted like a little baby and had do endure hubby’s confident grin that spoke volumes, and proved that I’m a selfish little brat with no intention of sharing what is rightfully both of ours.

I guess that’s what happens when you begin to mature and grow. In a world full of differences, you begin to see that fighting over little things like clothes, shoes and drums is so small in comparison to what some people don’t have all over the world. Some people don’t have a home, a place to lay their head down, a spouse to cuddle with, or even a family to share the holidays with.

I for one should count my blessings that I have seven kids who adore me, a husband who still thinks I’m sexy even though I could stand to lose a few pounds, and learn some etiquette on how to share and work together as one.

Yes, even at my age I’m ashamed to say, I still have a lot to learn, a lot of maturing to do.

UGH! This self-realization can put a damper on your life if you’re not willing to acknowledge it. You can only change what you acknowledge.

I’ll move his clothes tomorrow.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

A Chili Cook-Off Story

In Texas they have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park. Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL.

Frank: “Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge’s table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn’t be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted”.

Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

** (Frank is Judge # 3)**


Judge # 1 – A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.

Judge # 2 – Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.

Judge # 3 – (Frank)—Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that’s the worst one. These Texans are crazy.


Judge # 1 – Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.

Judge # 2 – Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

Judge # 3 – Keep this out of the reach of children. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.


Judge # 1 – Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.

Judge # 2 – A bit salty, good use of peppers.

Judge # 3 – Call the EPA. I’ve located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I’m getting shit-faced from all of the beer.


Judge # 1 – Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

Judge # 2 – Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.

Judge # 3 – I felt something scrapping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-LB woman is starting to look HOT… just like the nuclear waste I’m eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?


Judge # 1 – Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

Judge # 2 – Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

Judge # 3 – My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I’m burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.


Judge # 1 – Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.

Judge # 2 – The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.

Judge # 3 – My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I shit on myself when I farted and I’m worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can’t feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone.


Judge # 1 – A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

Judge # 2 – Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. ** I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.

Judge # 3 – You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn’t feel a thing. I’ve lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they’ll know what killed me. I’ve decided to stop breathing its too painful. Screw it; I’m not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I’ll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.


Judge # 1 – The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.

Judge # 2 – This final entry is good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he’s going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he’d have reacted to really hot chili?

Judge # 3 – No Report…

I hope you all enjoyed this story from my sister-in-law! she loves sharing funny stories like this one. I know I'm still holding my sides together from laughing so hard.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

And the beat goes on...

I'm having difficulty with my blog.

It’s not so noticeable if you are reading my blog every now and then.

You might even say it something new you’d learned about me.

Here it is: I just learned how to download to my MP3 player!

To tell you the truth I didn’t even know what it was. Computer science is not an easy class to comprehend. I had to ask my three lovely teens what it does since they own one. And I’m the one who bought it for them!

‘MP3 what’?

‘What does it do’?

‘What do you mean it won’t calculate my grocery list’?

‘Can it count how many miles I walked today’?

‘Does it tell me what song to listen to’?

‘Does it choose songs that it knows I might be interested to listen to’?

‘What do you mean it DOESN’T tell the time’?

‘What?... It can’t do my taxes? Awwww shucks I knew it was too good to be true’?

Let’s just say my children didn’t talk to me for three hours after that ‘teaching momma to catch up with the times’ orientation. Class sucks! Seriously.

Anyskittle, after 3 ½ hours of negotiating, I did finally convince them to teach me how to download songs. Songs that I like anyway.

Well, here is my music playlist. It’s only a few because I grew tired after searching for hours for songs, but if I had a choice I’d rather listen to these songs than that purple dinosaur with the big feet and lots of energy!

Cher:Believe’ the first artist that I recognized when I was a child and watched faithfully with my momma on TV. (Remember the Sonny & Cher show)? It is also, the one song that helped my aching heart after a rough divorce from my first husband. I truly thought I wouldn’t find another love and I had given up ever believing in love again, until I heard that song.
I guess I did believe because I’ve been married to hubby # 2 for nine years. It’ll be ten in August.

Cher: Strong Enough’. Okay here she is again from the same album and in the same decade. I guess you can say Cher saved my broken love life. It’s amazing that this woman has been around so long and is still at the top of her game. She first came out in the seventies (when I was born) and is still kickin’ it. I guess I kind of regard her as my guardian angel.

Celine Dion:Because You Loved Me’. Who doesn’t love Celine Dion? Even my 6 year old hums her songs. Okay, first heard the song in the movie ‘Up Close and Personal’ and absolutely fell in love with it. Never mind that I was in a bad relationship at the time, but I held out for the hope that ‘he’ would say these words to me one day. Newsflash: It never happened.

Celine Dion:My Heart Will Go On’. Okay I’m beginning to see a pattern, don’t you? I guess I’m very predictable. Anyskittle, I saw the movie Titanic four times in the movie theater, and I couldn’t let go of the song. Even now if I hear the song anywhere my eyes automatically well up. It’s that serious! Needless to say I can’t sing it and I won’t even attempt to in the shower. I’ll just let the trusty MP3 do it’s job.

Mary J. Blige:Just Fine’. She is a remarkable person and has triumphed over tragedy to get where she is today. That’s not the only reason why I like the song. The tune is catchy and it’s the only chorus in which I can sing without sounding like a boy with a cold.

Lee Ann Womack:I Hope You Dance’. This song is touchy to me for two reasons. The day I heard it was the day my divorce became final from the first husband. And I also received the blow of my life from a friend whose son died of cancer. He was five and he loved to dance. We could twirl him for hours on end and he’d never tire. It was his favorite pastime. I was driving to get away from the house and to mourn without the kids seeing how upset I was when this song came on over the radio. It forever changed my life and when I am alone and hear this song I twirl, cry, and dance like he would have wanted me to. I know he is looking down from heaven at me whenever I do.

Alicia Keys:No One’. When I first heard this song, the hubby and I were going through a rough time in our marriage. I love the melody of this song and Alicia’s’ smooth, but rich voice. It brought faith back to me that regardless of what we go through, no one was going to come between us. I am forever grateful to Alicia.

Christina Aguilera: Beautiful’. Love Christina, and love the song. It was like a natural anthem to my four oldest when it first came out because they were going through a rough time with handling the divorce and all. I made myself write the words to the song and read it to them like a lullaby. Never mind that I can’t sing, but the point got across and they were comforted. It also helped soothe their anxiety because their dad had nothing to do with them since he was starting a new life with someone else. Well, I had help in repairing my little ones broken souls. Thanks Christina.

Selena:I’ll Be Dreaming’. Loved the movie, and love that J.Lo. She was remarkable in the portrayal of Selena, and I’ve been in love with Latin music ever since.

New kids On the Block:Hangin’ Tough’. The first boy band that I fell in love with. Jonathan was my favorite and I loved their style, their hair, and voices. I still can listen to this song though. I seen them on the AMA awards last week and cringed as they sang. Was I really in love with them once upon a time? Did I really get that old? UGH! How time turns on you!

N*SYNC: Bye Bye Bye’. Okay the second boy band that I fell in love with. Love the video as well. And Justin was so cute and little. The song really didn’t reflect any particular time in my life, I just love the beat. I don’t even know the words except bye, bye, bye.

Phil Collins:You Can’t Hurry Love’. I know, I know this is an old song sung by another group, but I love the way this man sings. I even watch Tarzan over and over again with my children to hear him sing. That man can sing the dictionary and I feel like I’ve been treated to something special.

Anna Sophia Robb:Keep Your Mind Wide Open’. On the ‘Bridge to Terabithia’ movie soundtrack. This is my mantra that I repeat over and over to my kids. It is true that anything is possible in this day and time as long as you believe. There is nothing like a closed mind in this world that will make other people lives miserable. The song is incredibly sweet and right for the movie. I love playing the CD while driving for a long time with the kids.

Rascal Flatts: Life is a Highway’. They are incredibly cute and can sing. This track is my favorite song. Incidentally it is on the movie ‘Cars’ by Disney and I don’t mind if the kids watch it over and over again. It reflects to me that life IS a highway, and all you can do is ride it. Sometimes you make pit stops along the way, sometimes you get lost, and sometimes you ask for directions. Then you keep on moving. Life is like that. Take it one day at a time.


Thursday, December 11, 2008

Graham Cracker Cookies

I am participating in a virtual cookie swap with Fushia. (Click on the title above).

I usually make these cookies quite a few times a month for my kids because they are so easy to make and quick. My children are not picky eaters and adore any concoction that I can come up with.

You’ll need:

1 box graham crackers

1 stick of unsalted butter

1 stick margarine

½ cup sugar

Pecans (as many as desired)

To Do:

Spread aluminum foil in a 13x19 pan, or use a non-stick cookie sheet. Place a single layer of crackers on the foil or on the cookie sheet. In a pan melt butter and margarine; add sugar and bring to a boil. Boil 3-4 minutes; pour over graham crackers. Sprinkle pecans on top, bake at 350 degrees for 10 minutes. Remove from the oven and let it cool. Break into pieces and place in container with a tight fitting lid or serve immediately.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

To whom this may concern.

Everyone should check out Tias' latest letters to those honorable mentioned. She is an absolute hoot! Enjoy!

Clever Girl Goes Blog: Christmas cards.

Knocking at Heaven's Gate.

Not much in the talking mood today, but I did happen to find a joke that you all might enjoy. I hope it brings a smile to your face.

A Preacher died and was waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him was a guy in blue jeans, a leather jacket and a tattoo on his arm. Saint Peter asked the fellow with the tattoo "Who are you, so I'll know whether to let you in the Kingdom of Heaven"?

The guy replies "I'm Tom and I drove a taxicab in New York City".

Saint Peter than looks at his list and says to Tom "Take this silk robe and gold staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven"! Dismissing Tom, the saint shouts "Next"!

The Preacher steps up and sticking out his chest, says "I'm the Reverend Jimmy Lee Tapscott, pastor of First-Baptist Church for forty-three years".

Saint Peter looks at his list and says to the Reverend "Take this flour sack robe and hickory stick and enter the Kingdom of Heaven".

Surprised, the Preacher shouts:
"Now wait a minute! That man was a taxicab driver and he gets a silk robe and a gold staff"?

Saint Peter looking solemnly at the Preacher replies "When you preached, people slept. When he drove, people prayed".

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Her biological clock just kept going, and going, and going...

Okay, I am real bad with pasting and copying and linking and all that so I am going to relate the story as the best way that I can.

Sunday in yahoo news there was a report that a 70 year woman in New Delhi, India gave birth to her first child at 70. She and her husband have been married for over twenty years and never had any children in their earlier years, so they decided to do IVF. Years before this woman's husband married her sister in order to have children. That marriage produced no children as well.

The reporter is happy to report that mommy and baby are doing fine.

You gotta think, was it really the woman who had the problem? One may never know. I guess this will be their first and hopefully their last child.

This woman is the reportly the oldest woman to give birth. Another woman in Spain is the oldest woman to give birth to twins at the tender age of 66.

I wish them both the best of luck!

You are all invited!

Okay, I am not the most eloquent person on the net. I’m not even the smartest. But I do know when I’ve been duped.

Duped in the sense that I’ve been had, bamboozled, conned, hoodwinked, hornswoggle, swindled, or jerked around.

In a word: I’VE BEEN FOOLED!

(Okay, that's three words but who’s counting?)

As some of you may know already I have children. (Critters if I’m feeling my southern roots). They are my life, my world, salvation, and virtually the sneakiest people on the face of the earth.

(Okay, the last statement was overkill, but so true).

Well, I’ve been toilet training my 2 year old for the last few weeks and was sitting at the computer to compose a fairly lengthy post to you all about the injustices of the world, the economy, a 70 year old pregnant women, the latest scams and so forth when I heard something.

(HA! Who am I kidding? I hate the news. Unless it’s entertainment tonight. Now that’s REAL news).

This sounded like someone was in my lovely, need to get away from the world bathroom. I then heard what sounded like water running so I shrugged my shoulders, chalked it up to the hubby fooling around in the bathroom, and kept on typing.

Two minutes later hubby taps me on the shoulder as I am one paragraph away from hitting ‘send’ and says:

“Do you smell that”?

I sniff and proceed with my typing. Stop! I turn to look at him with eyes wide as saucers (whatever the hell that means. I never looked in the mirror to see if I could make my eyes wide as saucers). And ask him:

“Why aren’t YOU in the bathroom”?

He looks at me as if I’m taking this blogging thing WAY to seriously as it has corrupted my brain circuitry ‘cause now I can’t even tell if it’s him or a small child that is moving around in the bathroom. And he’s standing right there in front of me!

(Which of course I am taking it seriously. But I’ll never tell him that).

We both approach the bathroom with caution. Him behind me because the man is so scared of his children. And mice. And bogeymen. And UFOs.

I’m sweating ‘cause I don’t know if it’ll be another 2 foot kid we didn’t know we had, opossum, or a ninja dressed in black trying to have his revenge on us ‘cause that’s what ninja’s do. I think. Or maybe I just made the last point up because I have a vivid imagination.

(Okay I do, but that’s beside the point).

I open the door slooowly and see what I’ve been praying for to happen for the last three months.

Trinity has begun to use the potty!!! YEEEHAAAAAA!

“Gosh, she stinks”.

“But its wonderful hon. No more pampers YAHH! Now, I can finally get those sneakers that I’ve always wanted at Wally World”.

“No, she really stinks. Can’t you do something about it”?

“You know we should have a party. A potty party! We should invite all the two year olds within a three mile radius and ask them to bring their potty chairs”.

“You’re weird. Please clean that up. She stinks”.

“Oh honestly, it’s so adorable. Don’t you see; all of that screaming and yelling and threatening a visit from Jack Frost paid off. It’s a time to celebrate. Come on, help me clean her up”.

“NOT part of my job description”. Hubby is obviously not in a celebratory state of mind and walks off.

Me mumbling under my breath: “Killjoy”.

I then start giving Trinity smiles and hugs and kisses, and telling her that momma loves her soooo much. 36 seconds later I hear the ‘PHHHHH’ sound of an air freshener being sprayed behind me. (I so suck at sound effects).

Shouting to cover the noise of the spray as it stings my nose and throat: “Thank you captain obvious”!

“Well, you asked for my help”.

Point taken.

So filled with pride, I failed to notice that quite a few times the potty chair has left me some ‘surprises’, and I never really paid it any attention. I just went into ‘maid mode’ and cleaned up what needed to be cleaned up.

Anywho, Trinity is now officially a big girl. I’ll send out invites with little potty chairs on the front to all of my neighbors with two year olds who are still potty training.

They will be soooo jealous.

NOTE: The pic above is of my lovely baby at eight months. She loved that swing!

Sunday, December 7, 2008

A Pocketful of Wishes.

Do you realize that after this weekend there are only 2 more weekends to shop before the big day?

Exactly 17 days until Christmas. Or Xmas. Whichever one you prefer.

I prefer the name: “family coming over talking louder than the next person and drinking too much of grandmother’s eggnog day”. In other words that would be abbreviated ‘FCOTLTNPDTMGED’.

If I said THAT out loud you’d think I was having a stroke.

But it’s true; my family is a loud and boisterous bunch. But I love them just the same. They’re from the south, but most of them migrated to the north during the sixties. That’s how I came to be raised in N.Y.C.

Why’d I come back to the south, obviously not my choice, but its home.

Anywho, this list is just in time for the holidays. I was going to send it to the ‘big guy’ in the North Pole, but I think he’s kind of busy. So I’d let you fellow bloggers read it instead.

#1. I wish to stick to my New Year’s resolution this year. I plan to eat healthy and exercise on a regular basis. Until I had children, my idea of exercise was snoring in time to the music.

#2. I wish to fulfill a wish at the ‘Make A Wish’ foundation. I’ve been donating to this charity since 2004 and it’s a wonderful idea. I think it’s cool to make a child smile.

#3. I wish to learn how to swim. I would say I’m sort of a hydrophobic but I think it’s the amount of water that’s intimidating. Of course, I’ll begin lessons in the summer when the temp is much warmer, so I have essentially six months to make up my mind if I want to learn how to drown properly.

#4. I wish that I could sign a paper to take of leave of absence from housework. That request would be put in one day before our household’s annual ‘closet cleaning day’.

#5. I wish that potty training came automatically to children. Especially since I am potty training ‘the princess’ right now. I’m tired of stumbling onto new “surprises” every time I dust a new corner of the house that I‘ve ignored for several months.

#6. I wish that when I am laying snuggly in bed in the morning, that someone would get up and use the bathroom for me. I hate a cold toilet seat on the warm buttocks in the morning.

#7. I wish I could start my Junior High years all over again. This time I would have the option to start one subject, any subject of my choice, for one WHOLE school year. That first subject would be lunch.

#8. I wish I could be a vegetarian. I think killing animals is murder. Tasty murder.

#9. I wish I could change positions with my ob-gyn when he says this will only hurt for a moment. That way he’d know how it really feels to be in my place when someone is sticking something in his little hole ‘down there’.

#10. I wish everyone who reads this blog has had a wonderful weekend. I hope the holiday spirit has kicked into full gear ‘cause we still have a full 17 days of crowded shopping malls, people pushing you, crowded subways, people stepping on your feet, kids whining that they want to go home, store clerks who sell you broken merchandise, walking 20 blocks in blistery weather, and planning that get-together for relatives that only come to your house when there is food involved.

Don’t you just love the Holidays?

Friday, December 5, 2008

I got a letter!!!

Here’s a shout out to 'The Mind of a Mom' who gave me a letter. She is playing an online game and I asked to participate. I got the letter ‘G’ and I’m suppose to write 10 things about my life using the letter ‘G’.

Here it goes! Enjoy!

Girls: I birthed five of them. Ages 16, 13, 11, 6, and 2. There is never a dull moment with them around. They all have thick hair which always manages to swallow the comb whenever I try to wrestle with it.

Goldfish: I had sixteen of them in the last 3 years. I adore goldfish, especially when they get big and fat and they seem to ask you for their food in the morning. If I could afford a bigger aquarium I’d buy more. However, my aquarium is empty now. They never want to stay with me. I guess they like goldfish heaven so much that can’t wait to get there soon as I bring them to my house.

Good: I like good things. Good people, food, politics, co-workers, days, music, furniture, husbands, movies, books, children, pets (if I had any) and a good cup of tea. I drink two cups of green tea a day.

Google: This search engine is a life saver! If it wasn’t for school I think I would have taken out an ad looking for “a good friend to share a few laughs with”. But I found you cool guys and I am thoroughly enjoying the company. With Google set as my homepage I can search, and search, and search, and still never find anything. But that’s okay, I found some cool people to hang out with over the net.

Grades: Since I am a student I guess I should include this in my list. However, my grades aren’t that important. It’s my children who are in school who make the good grades (I do okay). They’re all on the honor roll! (They have inherited that from MY side of the family)!!

Gray: I hate the color gray!!! I wear grey sweats at home all the time. I have a gray koala bear that sleeps with me when the hubby is in the doghouse. I have three gray hairs in the front of my hairline. I hate the color gray!

Grapes: Be they purple, red, green, or seedless I love ‘em. They are one of the first fruits that I ate when I first regained my ability to speak after falling out of the top bunk as a child. I wouldn’t eat or talk for three days after I fell. (Hmmmmm… I remember my mom having a lot more gray hairs after that particular episode as well).

Green: I love the color green. My bedroom has green carpet. I also have a green momma mini van. I sometimes lie in the green grass and enjoy the aroma (my allergies however hate me for that). I love St. Patty’s day because of all the green. I love when my children wear green clothes. The only time that I don’t like green is when it’s the shade of one of my critters face and they want to ‘show-off’ what they ate for dinner the night before.

Grey’s Anatomy: It’s my favorite T.V show! I can’t get enough of it. I guess it helps to be in the right field of study huh? Anyway, I will buy the complete set on DVD one day, and cozy up with the gray koala and a cup of green tea.

Groceries: They are in abundance at my house. If we are down to one gallon of milk the critters start acting like a great biblical famine is about to hit. However, I do enjoy a good 18 mile trip to the grocery store. I love shopping for food and being greeted by a door greeter who frowns and points me to an empty cart only to discover that its someone else’s cart with their child still in it! I love pinching the melons and thumping the tomatoes to see if they are ripe. I love seeing the egg cartons, and when I open them I love watching the slimy yolk drip from the broken shell and onto my new shoes. I love seeing spills in the isles and the slovenly maintenance crew step over the mess. But my biggest fantasy is to go shopping, filling up two or three carts, and a rich philanthropist is right behind me and offers to pay for my grocery bill.

Just the groceries. The other stuff I can handle. I think.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Life's Little Distractions

I’m nervous.

Justifiable so. I’ve got class tomorrow.

Just a CPR recertification class that I have to take in order to complete my nursing program. I just never know what will happen when I go to these classes because it’s with people you never met.

You’ve got to wonder what kind of people take these CPR classes and are certified to save someone’s life. I know I’m ‘sane’ (if but a little weird) but have you ever wondered about the other individuals?

In these “just take a day to learn how to save someone’s life classes” you meet new people. You stand around looking uncomfortable. You look down at your shoes and wonder do you have a boogie hanging from your nose.

When class is getting ready to end, you finally have enough courage to ask a question and the “teach” looks at you, swivels her head and stares blankly at you as if you asked her does she have a vajayjay.

This CPR class that I’m taking is at the local hospital. It’s well worth taking because I want to finish school and then figure out what I want to be when I grow up.

Years before I went to my first CPR & First Aid class. My kids were (and still do) put strange things up their noses, in their mouths and ears; so I had to learn how to save them. (Didn’t work, I still visit the ER about every two months). The staff is very friendly there; they know me and the 7 critters by name now.

My first class had six women and two males. I’ll call them Dim and Dan. The women for the most part got along, but the two males were like night and day.

Dim was the most obnoxious person I ever met. Slimy as all outdoors, and even hit on our white haired 'teach'. She wasn’t buying. He kept trying and throughout class kept making smacking noises like he wanted to pucker up and kiss her. However he was groomed well, had on nice after shave, wore an earring (a diamond), had great teeth and a beautiful smile, but was yucky! He really thought he was a subway value meal with all the fixings. I knew better. I for one thought he was a pickle.

Dan however was the opposite. Nice but sloppy. He pants hung off of his butt (NOT by choice either), and he couldn’t bend over without showing us both of his butt cheeks. Seriously, dude. You could afford a fifty dollar class but no belt!?!

We girls got along, and the 'teach' tried to make it a pleasant morning that strecthed into the afternoon class, but failed miserably. Whenever we got stuck on something or asked a simple question she’d take a swig from her water bottle. (Dim later discovered that it was vodka when she went to go tinkle and he tried to take a swig. What a prick!)

Hmmm…that might explain the blank stares oozing from her flushed face.

Anywho, Dim and Dan didn’t and wouldn’t get along. Big babies! No surprise there. Dim even tried to instruct the teacher. What finally broke the straw on the camels back was when Dim tried to show Dan how to properly resuscitate this curly haired, rightly proportioned female dummy. Now mind you we all had our own plastic mouth barriers to put in our dummies piehole so that we could practice resuscitation without swapping germs.

This fool (Dim) grabbed the dummy, and without even switching the mouthpiece began KISSING the dummy! I mean mouth to mouth, tongue all over with slurping noises KISSING.

I think it finally woke the teach because she slurred ever so slightly: “What the HELL are you doing”?

Dan backs up from the dummy, smirks at the 'teach' and exclaims: “I had to give her a reason to live”!

3 minutes later Dan leaves cussing under his breath and never takes the test, and we ‘girls’ had to endure Dim for the next 50 minutes.

Needless to say, I received my CPR card from the American Heart Association after scoring a 90% on the test.

Talk about distracted. I think I’m scarred for life.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

CODE NAME: Momma. MISSION: Strap those kids in. It's gonna be a bumpy ride.

Did I ever mention that I have seven kids? No?!? Um okay. Whatever.

It’s really nothing to it these days. Feed ‘em, bathe ‘em, love ‘em, send them to bed, and be done with it.

Nah, all kidding aside I enjoy each and every one of those little critters that have misshapen my vajayjay 7 times. Yes, 7 natural births people!

Anywho, the girls rule in my house. Really. I grunted out five girls and two big headed boys. Now if you count my hubby and then me the girls outweigh the boys 2:1. (That’s a ratio. If it is not correct shoot me, cause math sucks).

Their ages and *names I’ll provide. Really. Believe me if anyone tries to track them down to take them they’ll return them in 22 seconds flat! No kidding! My kids are rough and tumble down to earth countree! The mountain air will do that to ya!

Well lets see: There is Tia 16the actress/pop princess”, Theo 14the wiseman”, Tiana 13the technician”, Tisha 11the instigator” , Taj 8 Mr. Miyagi”, Tamara 6the trouble-maker”, and Trinity “the princess” is 2 years old. I know it’s a big name for a little girl, but let’s face it; babies are little people with big demands. Really.

I am literally the referee, teacher, disciplinarian, chef, dishwasher, arbitrator, entertainer, news caster, weather woman, laundress, seamstress, problem solver, remote-control handler, chauffer, penny-pincher, usher, shopper, story reader, storyteller, doctor, nurse, counselor, and the comforter. My hubby works two jobs to support us. He got off easy. Stupid males.

Well, that about sums up my life in a nutshell. I told my husband if we were to ever have anymore children we’d have to move into a shoe cause I’d literally be the little old woman who wouldn’t know what to do. (FYI: the momma factory IS closed).

I never knew that I’d be a mother of such a tribe. Literally. I grew up in New York City (Brooklyn), and I’d see so many mother’s on the east side struggling with their children and being so rough with them and looking so tired. I vowed I’d never be one of those women. Talk about putting your foot in your mouth. Yes I’ve eaten my share of shoes. No really. My Nikes are missing.

Anywho, just a shout out to you fellow bloggers. Thanks for all of your comments. Keep ‘em coming. I am so bored and I need an adult to talk to.

Well, I am off to settle another argument. Trouble-maker and Mr. Miyagi are at it again. No really.

* All the names have been changed cause if anyone attempts to take my critters I'll drop kick them in a heartbeat. Never mind that I don't know Karate, I know Karazy!!!

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Three Sisters

I heard this joke once and I thought anyone reading might enjoy it.

There was once three sisters who lived together. The youngest was eighty-two, the middle sister was ninety and the oldest was ninety-eight. One day the oldest sister ran a tub of water. She put one foot in the water, started thinking and then hollered downstairs to her sisters "Am I getting in the tub or out of the tub?"

The middle sister started up the stairs to help the older sister. While going up the stairs she started thinking. Yelling to the younger sister downstairs "Was I going up the stairs or was I coming down?"

The baby sister sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee said, "I guess I'll have to go upstairs and help you'll out. I sure do hope I never get so forgetful, knock on wood!"

She knocked on the table, jumped up from her seat, and hollered upstairs to her two sisters "I'll be right there soon as I see who's at the door!"

~by anonymous~