Monday, May 25, 2009

Love, Growth, and Maturity

I was looking through some old cards of the hubby and mine. We will be married for 10 years in August. Looking back on when we first married I have to say that we did have a whirlwind romance.

I was working at a giant retailer at the time, and he happened to see me working in the electronics department. He eventually started a conversation and we went from there.

I was getting over a BAD relationship with the first husband, trying to raise my three girls and one boy, and working on earning my first degree in college. (Going back to school after a eight year hiatus bites, but I got through it!)

He comforted me, consoled me, and reassured me that I was a strong women who was doing the right thing. I fell head over heels. We were married after two months courting.

The children were in the wedding and really loved having a 'dad' around again. I enjoyed having someone around to talk to and help me with the kids. Some would say I was on the rebound but I never felt as if I was going to give up on the relationship until we were married for about five years.

We never reached the seven-year itch before the real fights began. But we survived it and we are now smiling at each other, making goggling eyes at each other and talking 'dirty' when the kids aren't around. I think the therapist has done her job, but we will still continue to see her until we feel certain that we are absolutely on the right track.

While looking through some of the cards, our wedding cards, anniversary, new additions to the family, millions of birthday cards, and dozens of father and mother day cards, I found some with letters in them.

Have you ever wrote letters to your loved ones trying to explain the content of the card as well as the meaning behind the card?!? Well, if you are the BIBI that is a lot to write down. Being that I AM the talkative kind, I once wrote a letter with a beautiful card that was EIGHT pages long!!

Whew! Was I that into myself then?!?

Endlessly trying to explain why I snapped at him and why he needs to be patient with me and I've had such a shitty childhood that's why I am so messed up. Then spending a page or two apologizing for being me, and asking him to be patient with me because I was sooo screwed up and blah, blah, blah, blah, and blah.

I now realized that a marriage is about two people who share the same common interests and that one person cannot always see life as a victim. I was always making myself into the victim, one who could do no better because of my past. But my past does not define me anymore, because I am now the victor of my own destiny. I make my choices, good or bad, I decide to do better instead of waiting for someone to tell me that I have changed and that I am good now. I no longer acknowledge that little voice in my head that puts me down and tells me that I am no good.

I am good, not perfect, but good. I care, I love, I feel, I embrace my emotions,I laugh, I raise my beautiful children, I strive hard to make my loved ones comfortable, and I work hard at making sure that they are loved. I am me embracing life, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, whether I am sick or healthy. I am me and it is pretty absolutely gucking freat!


carma said...

It sounds so cliche- but it seems that you are in a good place right now and I hope it continues happily ever after :D

We've been together 16 years and have had plenty of ups and downs but we still make each other laugh like no one else can *sigh* - that is when we aren't bugging the crap out of each other!

Lucy said...

Glad to hear you are turning the corner and that you have found yourself too:)

Keep up the good work!

BIBI said...

I know Carma I tried not to sound so cliche- but there you have it. I am wearing my feelings on my sleeves again.

Thanks for the comment

BIBI said...

Thanks Lucy. I do hope that I can keep it up!

Christine said...

I really think a good marriage is about surviving ups and downs..that people can't be married long term and it be all smooth running, it wouldn't be normal. Great that you guys are 'surviving' and in a good place.

*Akilah Sakai* said...

Beautiful words, B. It's all about growth, like your post title. And we are never too old to grow and learn something new about ourselves, my dear. Glad you are all about the positivity!

Keep doing what you're doing. All your arrows seem to be pointing in the right direction.

*hug* and a *high five*

Sheri said...

Aww I'm so glad that you and your hubby are working together well again and are all gushy :)

Charles Gramlich said...

I'm glad to hear you two are getting on well again.

carma said...

ACK!! I meant for my comment to read that the comment from me (about being in a "good place") sounded cliche - not your lovely post....sorry if it came out sounding the opposite...

Cynderella said...

Good for you, Bibi!!!

Joanna Jenkins said...

Yeah YOU!!!! Terrific post. Marriage is hard work even in the best of marriages. It's great that you and hubby are working on yours and still in love.

Kylie said...

That's great that you two have found "it" again!! I look to you for inspiration in my marriage. You are so honest in your writing and I appreciate you allowing me to read.

Brad and I have only been married for 2 years but we have lived together for 9 years now. Whew, some days I still want to smack him but most days I can't keep my hands off of him. In a good way, of course!

Thanks for your insight and inspiration! *hugs*