Monday, April 27, 2009

Come and Meet Mr. Whazitooya!

I digress.

The hubby is getting on my nerves. Again. Nothing new, he is always getting on my nerves. But this time it is more serious. In the last two weeks of thought of the 'D' word at least five times.

No not 'damn', 'dummy', or 'dead as a door nail when I get through with you', but divorce!

Here's why.

Anyone who has been reading this blog knows that the hubby and I do go to counseling/therapy. Ms. G has recently begun to see us every two weeks instead of every week because she thought we were making such good progress. She thought.

Now, this coming up session I am going to tell her that we need to come back every week so that the hubby can begin to learn to use his resources that God gave to him at birth.

It's called a piehole. It's the thing one inch right above your chin, and when you stand up straight it sits right under your nose.

He uses it to stuff it with food, talk/yell at the kids, talk to the boss, cuss at the TV, and to call loved ones when they are too far away to visit. He uses it for everyone except me. I get the silent treatment.

Me addressing the hubby when he comes in from a long day at work: "How was your day"?

Hubby with back turned: "Ok".

Me frowning: "What was that"?

Hubby talking in a higher octave than necessary: "It was okay".

Me silently fuming with arms crossed and everything.

Hubby using the bathroom and making it smell like something died in there.

Me with one can of air freshener sprayed directly at the bathroom door as the hubby comes out of the 'stink room': "Ummm... you don't smell that"?

Hubby ignoring me as he clears his throat and shrugs his shoulder.

Me: "Well"?

Hubby quietly: "Well what"?

Me: "Don't you want to talk about your day"?

Hubby: "It was okay".

Me: "And what else? And in case you have forgotten I've been holed up in the house with three teens who right now hate me because I made them go to bed after Jay Leno's' monologue and are probably plotting my demise right now as we speak, a 12 year old who picks on her little brother ALL DAY LONG, a six-year old who runs all day even to go so far as to kick in her sleep, and a two year old who loves to wear make-up to bed and screams when I try to remove it. So please, no wise cracks. Just some honest to goodness adult conversation".

Hubby blinking at me as I try to catch my breath.

Me staring back at him as I try to regain my composure.

Hubby makes a beeline for the bathroom to take a shower.

Me sighing as I now realize that it is going to be another non-talkative lonely night.


I really don't want to make the TV my best companion at night as I turn to it to have some normalcy of conversation. Or spend another night fuming in my journal and pressing down so hard on the paper I can read what I wrote six pages ahead. But what else is there to do?

I think the hubby forgot that when we agreed to counseling for our marriage we were to get better at communicating, not shutting each other out of our lives.

I also realize that he does work two jobs and is under a lot of stress and maybe making conversation at 11:30 PM when everyone is just beginning to look at the back of their eyelids is probably not the best time to converse.

But then what is?!?


Kylie said...

Oh sweetie, I am sending ::GOOD THOUGHTS:: your way! Sometimes men can me more trouble than they are worth. I hope he opens up to you more. It sucks to feel ignored.
Hope your week gets better!!
*hugs* :)

The Mind of a Mom said...

Oh Bibi
My heart goes out to you. I have just the opposite mine wont shut his pie hole. And then he gets a few drinks into him and I have to get the kids to hide all sharp objects in the house. Hang in there until you can get to the therapist!

carma said...

This is a toughy. Men and women seem to have two different interpretations as to what constitutes a "conversation." I know that is true around here :D
I hope things get better soon.

BIBI said...

Thank you Kylie. I so need them. But I'm going to stop whining about it. Next trip to the therapist will be most productive. Because I am going to let him do all the talking for a change!

*sheepishly* I hope my plan doesn't backfire!

BIBI said...

Bwahahahaha! Mom, I can't help but laugh at your post about the hubs not shutting his piehole. To have a man talk alot right now will be such a relief.

Yeah! Hide the sharp objects. That way he won't hurt himself. :)

BIBI said...

You are so right Carma! He thinks communicating means to have more sex, I think it means to talk.

I only know once use for the mouth. ;)

*Akilah Sakai* said...

Like, Mind of a Mom, mines tells me everything, from sports plays to work issues. I want to run but after reading this, I'll think differently.

He is surely tired after 2 jobs and maybe nothing interesting went down on particular days. But do tell him that even if it was boring, you'd still like to hear it to better the communication between you guys. Also, is this every single night? If he talks about his work day most nights, then don't worry too much if he is a little stand-offish and/or tired a couple times. Sometimes when I've had a bad day, I don't want to bring it home, but would rather let it drift out of my mind and maybe talk about it a different day.

It's finding out why he isn't talking. Was it an irritating day he'd like to talk about another time? Does he assume you don't want to hear something he deems corny? Does he realize not sharing his day hurts you? Does he realize not stating things like, "I had a really bad day, do you mind if we talk tomorrow?" and just turning away is hurtful?

I hope he isn't just brushing you off every night. That is a clear lack in comminication if it's all the time. It's understandable, we all have grumpy days, but not 7 days a week.

Thinking of you and hope he snaps out of it.

BIBI said...

Thank You Akilah!

You have given me something to think about. I will try to pull him out of it.

And unfortunately it is like this seven days a week. For a time though we were getting better, but he just totally does not talk to me.

I've even went so far as to unplug the TV one night in our bedroom just so that he won't come in and zone in on the TV. Didn't work. he figured that the TV worked and that I just unplugged it.

It's even worse on the weekends when he is home. Nothing to really say to me. At all. I hate being ignored. I hope I am not overreacting!

But I will see the therapist Wednesday. Hopefully she can snap him out of it!

Christine said...

Bibi, glad you're getting this off your chest...hard to know what to say, at least you're seeing the counselor.

Sheri said...

Oh man, seems like he is going back to old habits which need to die like the stink in the bathroom. I hope that the counseling when it goes back to once a week will work better. Guys are so confusing at any age huh? :(

Anonymous said...

The good thing, as far as you go, is that you're letting out your frustrations and hurt and not holding it inside.

Stay strong and positive and hopefully your therapist might have some insights and helpful tips.

I'm thinking of you!

Lucy said...

YOu need to hang in there!! You are stressed and sounds like hubby is stressed too!! Keep writing in your journal, posting and going to therapy and I hope it turns around for you soon!!!!

Rachel said...

Sadly, some of this sounds familiar. :( Hope things get better for you, BIBI.

Mr. Bill said...

My wife can't give me the silent treatment for more than two days. It KILLS her to not talk. :)

Maybe, when the kids aren't around, goad him into a fight. Push his buttons. Have a good old-fashioned shouting match. Sooner or later, he'll come around to what exactly IS bothering him. Wife uses that one on me.

Lilly said...

I think Bibi, you found your answer. Hard to do at 11.30pm at night. Thats the only time you get space away from the kids and get a chance to unwnd and no doubt hubby is tired from his two jobs too and unwinds in a different way. Gosh none of the men I know are big communications either. It all sounds normal to me which doesnt help you. I think your strategy in counselling is a good one , listen to him do all the talking. Good luck and I applud the obth of you for working on your relationship!!!

Ps. And apprently no we dont have a good sense of smell of ourselves lol!

Tina said...

(((Bibi))) Sorry to hear that you are going through a tough time right now. Keep your head up sweetie. I'm sending good thoughts your way.

Tina said...

Forgot to mention that there is something on my blog for you.

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

My heart goes out to you...thanks for stopping by my glad I stopped here today.

I am still so new to the land of blog, but so loving reading others stories. Everyone has a story and so many of them are so touching....
Hope you will stop by for another visit.
The May give-away has started and this month there will be 10 winners. I will be blogging from Disney World soon...

carma said...

Hope everything is OK. You've been so quiet. If you get a chance, I have some blog bling for you at my site :-)

Kelly said...

I'm so sorry girl. They don't get it! I've always said if it doesn't work with me and BIG I'm going to be a lesbian! Who doesn't have sex... That's just not my bag. But it would be cool to have her around to talk all of the time!

BIBI said...

Thanks Christine. I've been quiet and really trying hard to work on the marriage gig! It's coming along. Now. I think we have found out what will work.

Thanks for your concern and comment!

BIBI said...

Bwahahaha! Men ARE confusing at any age. :)

And they say that we are complicated!

Thanks for the comment!

BIBI said...

Thank you Cyndi! I am working on us right now and the journal is helping and the therapy has helped loads and loads!

I am SO working hard at not keeping it bottled inside. Thank you for the comment!

BIBI said...

Thank you Lucy! It has definitely been some good to take a break from blogging. Now we have both found something that works for us.

We will be vacationing this weekend with the kids. It will be stress-free. And we so need a break.

Thanks for the comment!

BIBI said...

Thanks Rachel. Things are looking up. Slowly but surely, up and up!

Thanks for the comment!

BIBI said...

Mr. Bill,

*giggle* What?!?

You are the man! Why didn't I think of that?!?

Bwahahahaha! Everything is alright. For now. Thanks for the advice though, and I will keep that in mind when he begins to ignore me again! :D

BIBI said...

Thank you Lilly. I do believe we have found a solution. Life is so much more complicated when you are trying to raise kids, try to keep a marriage in tact, and try to finish school.

But enough whining, I will and can get through this.

Thanks for the comment and concern!

BIBI said...

Thank you Tina. You are too sweet. I will definitely be returning to my normally scheduled blogging this week.

I will be at your blog tomorrow to get my prize.

BIBI said...

Hey Teresa!

Thank you for your comment and concern. I will be by your place tomorrow. I apologize for being so quiet lately.

Hmmmm... I love giveaways! :D

BIBI said...

Oh yeah Carma! Blog bling! and just in time for the holidays

Thank you girl!!

BIBI said...


Kelly my sis said the same thing herself when her first love didn't work out. Haha!

It would be nice to have another female around to talk too all the time. We women love to communicate and express our emotions.

The hubby is beginning to learn to do so and not be so afraid of me and the consequences. :)

Thanks for the comment and heartfelt concern!

Aleta said...

Hi, I'm new to your blog. What a first post to read. I'm so sorry that you get a silent treatment. One of my good friends tells me the same thing. She is shut up in the house with kids and longs for adult conversation. She is faced with a "roommate" type situation with her husband. Makes me so sad for her. I'm glad you and your husband are willing to see a counselor. (For my friend, her husband refuses to go...)